thoughts on ‘falls chance ranch’ series

Falls Chance Ranch series by Rolf & Ranger

fcr

Are you worried about your executive? 

Is he burned out? 
Frazzled? 
Less than stellar? 

Is he an excellent employee that you don’t want to lose? 

If the answer to those questions is an unqualified yes!, 
then you need to think about sending him to 
Falls Chance Ranch. 

In a matter of weeks or months, we’ll turn around your executive and return him to you fit and ready to pick up the reins again. 

Falls Chance is a working sheep ranch deep in the heartland of Wyoming. Your executives will be put to work on the ranch 
while we retrain bad habits into good ones. 

Executives will remain on the ranch 
until we’re assured that they’re safe to return to their jobs. 
The average stay is eight weeks 
but can run shorter or longer depending upon the person. 

Our program is completely confidential 
and has a highly proven track record. 

Our graduates are in many of the top companies around the globe.

My thoughts (not a review, may contain spoilers, has TMI and is way too fucking long):

Last year – weird – I wrote about two very personal and very intense reactions I’d had to two very different books.  Something about which I was vividly reminded whilst reading the Falls Chance Ranch series recommended to me by Orannia.

I had, and am still having, an entire gamut of emotions to these stories, particularly with regard to the first two books, Falls Chance Ranch and Three Traders.  As a result, I’m not entirely sure this will be anything more than a convoluted ramble so apologies beforehand.

Actually, I’ve no bloody idea where to even start.  At Falls Chance Ranch, I guess…

The first book left me with mixed feelings.  On the one hand, I was totally intrigued by the D/s domestic life of the characters as well as the dynamics involved in the introduction of another to the lifestyle and to an already existing polygamous relationship.  I found it convincing and fascinating.

On the other hand, there was something about it I didn’t like and I couldn’t quite figure out why.  In hindsight, it was probably an intense feeling of discomfort, but at the time I had no idea what it was and, considering my interest in how the relationship progressed and developed with Dale now firmly in it, I decided to read the second book, Three Traders.  It was this that pretty much kicked my arse, or, more to the point, it was Dale.

Dale; the main character about whom the story essentially revolves as it’s his journey – from highly stressed, powerful and intelligent corporate troubleshooter to cowboy, ‘brat’ and the fifth partner in a polygamous relationship – which is at the heart of the Falls Chance Ranch series.  Dale.  I’m not sure if I love him or hate him and it’s all for the very simple reason I recognise him.  I am him.

I may not have his extraordinary intelligence or background nor do I have/get the high level of compulsive behaviours he does; however, I have the same issues of orderliness  perfectionism, control, suppression of emotions, avoidance and disassociation, absolute sense of right and wrong, personal failure, depression, anxiety and obsessive behaviours.  In a nutshell, and although I’ve frequently described myself as having OCD, what I’ve actually been diagnosed with is Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.  If you mix this with Bipolar 2, it makes for an… interesting… life… apparently.

Reading the second book of the series, set off all my buttons.

After a stint in New York to wrap up his former life and make arrangements for his new one, Dale returns to the ranch with an expectation everything will be as it was before he left; that is, he’ll be ‘fixed’.  Trigger.  He can’t understand why he can’t stop ‘it’ even when he gets ‘it’.  Trigger.  If he thinks he’s fucked up, he sees himself as a failure, worthless, useless.  Trigger.  If he acts ‘normal’, everything will be fine and no one will get hurt.  Trigger.  If he pretends it’s okay, it will be and it’s go back to being normal.  Trigger.  If he explodes, gets help and then works through it, he’s all better, fixed and then, of course, something will happen to set him off and the cycle begins.  Trigger.

By now you’ve probably got the picture I was triggered.  Pretty majorly too.

At some point, I put the book aside and fell into my morning routine of ‘getting ready’ for the day.  I don’t know how many hours I spent tidying, straightening and cleaning.  It was only when I found myself in tears washing the floor over and over again because I couldn’t get it clean that I realised what was happening.  My stomach was hurting so very badly.  I was crying and shaking and I couldn’t stop cleaning.  I don’t know how to explain it.  When you’re so deep into the compulsion, you can’t stop.  It’s absolutely impossible.  It’s like a vice around your brain, your body is stuck on auto-pilot and the thought swirling around your head is it’ll all be okay if you just finish this one task.  It never is, though.

I won’t go into how I got out of yesterday’s episode nor why I was so vulnerable to begin with.  Just know I did, I know the reasons why, and that I’ll definitely be talking about it with my doctors.

Three Traders, I think, delved even deeper into the psychology of Dale’s behaviour and the way in which his relationships with his tops helped balance and settle him.  This is something I completely understand as I often come away with a sense of peace and well-being after I’ve visited my psychologist or psychiatrist.

Let me make very clear this series is absolutely in no way shape or form teh-BDSM-insta-cray-cray-fix you may find in other books in this genre. Rather, it’s meaningful and powerful.  In addition to this, it portrays different perspectives of a domestic D/s life by providing insight into the other partners of the polygamy and how they interact, especially with Dale.

Despite my intense response to Three Traders, I was compelled to finish it and then to go on to read Mustang Hill and the Silver Bullet WIP.

I must admit I didn’t have the same reaction to the latter books as I did to the others, which could simply have been because of the breakdown/breakthrough (?) I’d had.  Still, I definitely enjoyed the character, relationship and storyline development/s and the way in which the authors have progressed the series in different directions so as to continue to engage the reader.

I remain intrigued.  :)

My recommendation:

I’m not sure if I’m entirely capable of giving a rating or a recommendation about this series because of the significant effect it had on me, the first books in particular.

Two things I can say:

* if you want a BDSM story totally different from anything else you’ve ever read in the m/m genre than the Falls Chance Ranch series are an absolute must and that’s that; and,

* if you have similar mental health issues to mine, please, please be aware of the potential triggers and keep your management techniques close at hand.  Hell, maybe you, we, might learn some new methods to help us in the process, even if there is a small part of us wishing we could have an amazing, insightful top of our own. :)

About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
This entry was posted in bdsm, book series, important stuff, m/m, me, not a review, OCD, orannia, probably tmi, serious shit, thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to thoughts on ‘falls chance ranch’ series

  1. sionedkla says:

    I hate that you got triggered and had to go through the process BUT I am exceptionally proud of you for working through it. I mean that. Our lives are full of ridiculously difficult situations and yet we manage to persevere. Whether through finding our own inner strengths, have those around us to help shoulder the burden or a combo of the two, we keep keeping on.
    *raises glass*
    Here’s to finding the give a fucks!

    Kassandra

    • Kris says:

      *toasts back* Thank you, love. It was pretty hellish and it still lingers, but, yes, I worked through it.

      “Our lives are full of ridiculously difficult situations and yet we manage to persevere.”

      You’re absolutely spot on when you say this. One of the methods my doctors try – try being the operative word at this stage :) – to get me to use is something called ‘distress tolerance’. It’s to get me used to facing situations that make me extremely uncomfortable, for whatever reason, and to accept the fact these happen, these may be distressing, these trigger me BUT that they will pass. This was something I used during the above episode and it helped me gain some distance in order to use other techniques I have in my ‘tool kit’.

      Everything’s a learning experience, I guess. :)

  2. orannia says:

    I too hate that you got triggered but WTG you for finishing!

    *hugs*

  3. Jenre says:

    It’s interesting how books can affect us to such a great degree. I read this book in a completely different way to you because my life experiences are different to yours.

    Like the others said, I hate that you had to go through such a negative thing, but glad that you have emerged stronger and maybe more self aware as a result.

    You never know, maybe one day you’ll find your own Paul, Flynn or Jasper :).

  4. Kris says:

    Yes, we all bring with us our different POVs, etc when we read. It makes varied responses and interpretations of pieces of work or situations all the more interesting, especially when we’re prepared to talk about them openly and tolerantly. :)

    I’m definitely more aware of how vulnerable I am at this particular moment, which is something I had not admitted even to myself. I see my doctor today and will speak to him about it.

    “You never know, maybe one day you’ll find your own Paul, Flynn or Jasper .”

    LOL. Or just a cowboy to play with. ;)

  5. I avoid books that will even remotely trigger me. When I grow up, I wanna be as brave as you are. Xxx

    • Kris says:

      I think when we’re at a particularly vulnerable space in our lives it only makes sense to avoid our triggers, and even avoid the ones we’re particular sensitive to as much of the time as possible.

      I’d like to be able to say I’m brave, but this situation was pretty much accidental and I was clueless until set off. Still learning to be more aware. :)

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