… but it’s fun and I figure we all need a bit of a giggle in our lives.
What am I talking about??
Why the content warnings at Samhain Publishing, of course!
These are a few of the ones which caught my eye (Besides some very weird arse – not to mention unpunny – titles and… have you noticed how many half-naked chicks like to hold onto their nipples or shoulders or whatever?? Is this some sort of new US craze?? Do our friends up north walk around doing the barely-covered-breast strut?? Isn’t that cold or is it only a Summer thing?? If so, it’s a bit hypocritical, don’t you think?? Like you can only be a nudist when it’s warm?? And what happens if you need to use your hands?? Is that when you do the ‘one arm covering both boobs’ pose?? Do you tuck you hand in your armpit?? What happens if you’re sweaty?? Isn’t that unhygienic?? Or perhaps you’re trying to hide something like a bad piercing scar or unsightly body hair… What?! I’m just asking. *pouts*) while I was perusing the ‘Coming Soon’ books the other day:
The Chancellor’s Bride by Kirsten Saell
Warning: This book contains explicit sex, including m/m and m/m/f; violence; bad language; financial irregularities; uneaten dessert; gratuitous invocation of various deities; and breakfast-table hijinks you’re not likely to witness at your neighborhood IHOP.
Hemovore by Jordan Castillo Price
Disclaimer: Be sure to schedule adequate breaks for food and sleep while reading this novel. The author will not be held liable for any missed workdays, low blood sugar headrushes, or unfortunate bathroom accidents that may result from reading “just one more chapter”.
What about you?? What are some of the LOL warnings that you’ve come across at Samhain??
Not familiar with them?? Go have a look. It’s a great timewaster. *g*
Kris + Books = Good. *Sometimes*. 
Jordan’s is funny. I should have had that when I was up until all hours of the night reading Psycop.
And uneaten dessert? Seriously. Could I be that turned on that the chocolate mousse cake would go uneaten? Ummm. No. At worst I could multi-task and eat at the same time.
And it is cold up here. I walk around all the time with my arm across my chest. LOL Or maybe its that whole puritan thing.
I know one of Ally Blue’s books made reference to inappropriate use of vegetable shortening.
<>Warning: This story is shamelessly naughty, its depravity extending to a strange form of foot sex and other even less mentionable acts. Despite scenes which might indicate the contrary, the author’s lawyers and the Taxi Drivers’ Union of Greater Manhattan encourage everyone to behave with decorum when riding in taxis.<>Foot sex? I wonder if the author writes these or some bored secretary looking for something to kill time.
DO you know that I read that second book as Homovore, and was all ready to go buy it?
The cover-uperer of nipplage Tam:
Some of them are LOL funny and others are OMG-you really-tried-hard-but-you-came-across-as-completely-sad-you-poor-chook funny.
You know I think I should choose a book we’ve all read (or better yet not) and have a competition for the best content warning. That could be fun. Hehehe.
Emmy: Why am I not surprised?!
“Homovore”
Definition: Someone/thing who eats (both literally and figuratively) homosexuals.
Example: I wanted to go out with Sean, but I’ve heard that he’s a total homovore.
I have always loved the warnings on Samhain books. They are the best (most of the time anyway).
Homovore eh? Someone should tell Jordan. *g*
They be good… most of the time.
Thinking I like homovores better than vagitarians. Really *nods nods*
I can just see the headlines now –
“Homovores vs Vagitarians: Choose the diet that suits you best!”
You guys are awful. LOL
In my efforts to kill some time this morning before fetching the kidlet for the ortho appointment (more about my life than you wanted to know) I was searching Samhain for funny blurbs. Not sure this one is funny but its weird.
<>Warning: This book contains well-dressed vampires, extremely polite Trolls, and occasional bursts of humor. Avoid reading it when landing aircraft, welding in the nude, or taunting grumpy jackals while wearing pork chop earmuffs.<>Pork chops for earmuffs? O_O
<>Warning, this title contains the following: graphic language, explicit violence, including murder and sex explained in contemporary language.<>Well good thing they said contemporary language because if it was in Old English I was going to have to pass. *insert eye roll here*
Now this has potential. I LOVE oreos.
<>Warning: This book contains graphic depictions of baking, gratuitous bread-kneading, Oreos with lemonade, smart women with smarter mouths, and the occasional flying squid.<>
Jebus Sissy, you (and your fwiends out in the air somewhere)think of some weirdo things to talk about.
Although I must say that I needed a bloody good laugh after a bloody shit day. So thanks Tam and Emmy for ending my day on a high note.
Just one question for you: Why are they called “virtual” friends?
Mumma
Kris’ Mumma: We are virtual because we don’t really exist. We’re just figment’s of Kris’ vivid imagination. 🙂
Hi Tam
As much as I love the girl child I do recognise that she is a very strange person (AND I am positive she didn’t get it from me).
But hey, when she offers to go out to buy a bottle of chanpagne just on the off chance that I might resign from my job, you just have to forgive those little idiosyncrasies.
This was from one of the books I read:
<>Warning: Contains more eye-popping sex, ear-popping language and gut-popping laughs than can possibly be good for you. And vampires. Not sippy-neck wimps, but burning beacons of raw sexuality—this means passionate blood-heating, violent bloodletting, and fangy bloodsucking. Oh, and cheese balls. Those things are just scary.<>or this one that was just sweet!
<>Warning: This title contains hot, sweaty couch dancing; long, slow, hot, wet kisses that last three days, and toe-curling romance.<>
<>This book contains explicit sex, including m/m and m/m/f; violence; bad language; financial irregularities; uneaten dessert; gratuitous invocation of various deities; and breakfast-table hijinks you’re not likely to witness at your neighborhood IHOP.<>Ok, this is freaking hilarious. The funniest part to me:
<><>Financial Irregularities<><>LOLOMGWTF WHAT? Bwahahahahahaha!
Tam: “Contemporary language”?? Umm, okay. I just hope it wasn’t an historical.
I like “flying squids”. It makes me want to read the book just to read about them. LOL.
Mumma & Tam: My problem is not hearing the voices of imaginary friends, but the fact that they can type. O_O
Tracy: Awwww.
That “cheese ball” comment is an absolute killer.
Thea: My first thought was why would they be eating money?? I then realised it wasn’t a reference to, you know, regular irregularaties. I am admitedly slow at times.
Uneaten dessert? I think people are having way too much fun with the disclaimers 🙂
And I thought of another reason why these women shouldn’t be walking around holding on to their breasts….gravity! Bras work better 🙂
*snort* True, Orannia. Maybe that’s why they are always holding them on book covers?? It isn’t anything to do with modesty at all, but rather for support!