maybe it’s me, but…

… have you ever thought that because some of us like / love / devour (choose the word that best suits your habit 🙂 ) m/m fiction we are or could be considered to be a ‘fag hag’??

Or do you find that phrase offensive? I personally don’t, but others might.

Just something I’ve been pondering.

BTW, if I ever turn into one of those dreaded interferring fag hag characters we all hate, you’ll tell me, right??

About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
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32 Responses to maybe it’s me, but…

  1. Sean Kennedy says:

    Oh, Kris… you already are!

    Just kidding. I personally don’t like the term, if only because it sounds so derogatory.

  2. Tam says:

    Well, most of my on-line guy friends are gay (or seem to be turning gay at an alarming rate – is it me?). But probably because I met them on a blog run by a gay guy and they are like moths to a gay flame? LOL Not all, but I did meet 4 blog friends in April and they were all gay. Sigh.

    In real life I don’t have gay guys I hang out with. I don’t have girls I hang out with or straight guys either. Okay, so I’m a hermit, leave me alone.

    I enjoy the company of men (that sounds so Victorian) but when you start talking straight guys it can get messy. Either they want something more or their SOs get all paranoid. So I think gay guys can be “safer” for those of us not looking for a romantic entanglement but enjoy men.

    Fag hag? Eh. The term doesn’t really bother me but doesn’t really do it for me either. I figure I just happen to have lots of guy friends who share my warped sense of humour and by chance they are gay.

  3. I once shared an apartment with a drag queen. I once lived and worked in a gay neighborhood because I found a great apartment with cheap rent. And I once dated a gay man. (Looong story…)

    One of my gay friends first informed me I was indeed a “fag hag” and I embraced the term from that day forward. Another gay friend told me, “Honey, don’t call yourself that… you’re not a hag!” LOL I’ve never had a problem calling myself that since that’s what I was generally called, and always with affection. “Miss Thang” never bothered me, either.

    On the other hand I found “fish” rather offensive, but because it was used against me rather hatefully a few times. (Though by a very very small minority, I might add, and then those guys didn’t tend to get along with *anyone* and hung out in their own little corner of the after-hours park that I accidentally happened through once.)

  4. Kris says:

    Gee, Sean, umm, thanks??? You don’t like it. Well, let’s flip the term then… how about gay gal?? Did you go to the urban dictionary link? It had some other terms like fruit fly, but my fave was queer dear. LOL.

  5. Kris says:

    Tam, I keep on telling you it’s you. You have anti-het super powers that manifest whenever you come out of your hermit cave. Swear to God.

    Seriously though… I totally get what you’re saying. All of the goodness of having male friends without all the hang-ups associated with S-E-X. LOL. I imagine it goes both ways… well, not literally.

  6. Kris says:

    Katrina, the curiosity is killing me! You lived with a drag queen and dated a gay guy?? You can’t say stuff like that and then just leave m-, umm, US all hanging. 😉

    Your anecdotes are terrific because it gets to the heart of what I was thinking when I raised the question in this post and that is the way a word or a phrase can be used in such different ways; as a term of affection, empowerment or even to disparage. Words and context are such fascinating things… which sounds a lot less weird when I say it in my head. LOL.

    Though I have to say “Fish” is just yuck. The imagery it conjures up. Ewww.

  7. Tam says:

    I kind of like fruit fly. Makes me think of someone small and light and flitting around. Like a tiny fairy (which seems appropriate). Okay, I have a great imagination.

  8. Kris says:

    So I did some research (killing time guzzling coffee before I have to drive out into the country for work) about the fruit fly. In Australia, the species is also referred to as the “peacock fly”, which can either cause irrevocable damage for some fruit populations or can be used as a control for pests. O_o Tell me I’m not crazy. That’s some weird-arse similarities right??

  9. <>Katrina, the curiosity is killing me! You lived with a drag queen and dated a gay guy?? You can’t say stuff like that and then just leave m-, umm, US all hanging. 😉<>LOL Some of that time in my life has made it into the Blue Ruin books in the form of Oakwood, Miss Doreena, and Blue and Jodi’s decidedly more platonic relationship. I’ll never name names, though. Got to protect the guilty, I mean, innocent. 😉

  10. Anonymous says:


    Hmm good question. Personally I dont like the term “fag”. My best friend (who is female) I dont consider her to be a hag bc I know for a fact she still would be my best friend even if I was straight. I guess I feel that way bc I had a friend who truly said she only wanted to be my friend bc I was gay..Ironically it was my best friend who told her “Be his friend to be his friend..He is not an accessory,shopping buddy, or there to crack sarcastic remarks..” She stood up for me. See why she is my best friend and why I heart her..:-)


  11. Sean Kennedy says:

    Yeah, I just don’t like the term ‘fag’ that much, and ‘hag’ just sound derogatory towards the woman in question. How about ‘friend’? Haha!

    And Ozakie, that’s a great story. We all need friends like that in our corner.

  12. Mary M. says:

    Well, to my foreign ears (or eyes?), and from what I know of the meaning of both terms, the expression “fag hag” sounds very derogatory, as Sean said. Aren’t both words, seprately, used mostly as insults? I would feel insulted if someone called me a fag hag. Fortunately, I think my chances are slim as I don’t especially hang out with gay people (although I do have one very good friend who’s gay) and that this expression doesn’t have an equivalent in my language anyway :-DDD

  13. Kris says:

    Miss Doreen you say, Katrina. The mind boggles. 🙂

  14. Kris says:

    What Sean said, Ozakie. That is an awesome story. Your bf sounds terrific so, yep, I can totally understand why you ❤ her AND why you don't like the thought of her being referred to in that way. You are one lucky guy to have a friend like that.

  15. Kris says:

    Sean: What you’re thinking about the term ‘girl friend’?? *blink* *blink* Original. I like it. 😉

  16. Kris says:

    Mary: Yes, both terms separately have very negative connotations. This is especially the case for the word ‘fag’ here in Australia.

    So there is no ‘slang’ term for a female buddy of a gay guy in French (it’s French right??), Mary. That’s really interesting, although probably not surprising as ‘fag hag’ certainly sounds like it derived from Britain originally. They’re a bloody conservative bunch over there. 😉

  17. K. Z. Snow says:

    It’s just an expression…and not a new one. In fact, <>fag hag<> has probably become something of a politically incorrect anachronism. But because I’m an old hag who predates the age of political correctness, I’m not offended. I’ve been a fag hag all my adult life, to varying degrees.

  18. Kris says:

    There are varying degrees to fag hagness, K Z? How so?

    Granted there are postives, but I reckon PC has gone beyong a joke to the point of being ridiculous. My 2c anyway.

  19. Tracy says:

    Although I love m/m I have to say I hate that term! Personally any word I can use to describe myself that gets as far away from the term HAG I’m happy with! lol

  20. Kris says:

    Good point, Tracy. LOL.

  21. K. Z. Snow says:

    <>There are varying degrees to fag hagness, K Z? How so?<>

    Sure there are. Just like there’s a difference between acquaintances, friends, and lovers. My experiences have been kind of similar to Katrina’s.

    Wouldn’t ever use the word <>fag<> in any other context, though, unless it was in a way that disparaged somebody who used it disparagingly. (Does that make sense?)

  22. Kris says:

    I’m with you now. *I blame lack of coffee – and also blame that for my atrocious spelling over the last couple of mornings. I seem to have been suffering from a severe case of missing letters.*

    You also made perfect sense to me. One of my fondest moments was when I was teaching relief to a bunch of 16 year old boys at the Mumma’s school and dealing with the ‘you are such a fag’ comments. Such fun pointing out to them that disparaging remarks like this often covered confusion about one’s own beliefs or sexuality. Nothing like messing with the minds of the young. Hehehe.

  23. orannia says:

    My friend (who is gay) called me a fag hag once. He meant it in a good way! It was just after his birthday party and he told me that all his friends thought I was fantastic…they just wished I was male! LOL!

  24. Kris says:

    LOL. I like it, Orannia.

  25. Lily says:

    Wow Kris, you always manage to come up with some pretty interesting posts!!

    Me personally, I just don’t like the term fag hag. I don’t like the words, to me they’re derogatory. But, I guess if it’s an expression of friendship between people and the person being called fag hag doesn’t mind it, who am I to judge.

    I much prefer the word friend. IMO, there doesn’t need to be a different term for it just cause one of the friends is “gay” and one is “straight.”


  26. Tam says:

    Orianna: Not to criticize your friend’s friends, but WHY did they wish you were male? Why wasn’t it just neat that you were a great person and they could enjoy that without wanting something more? Its always this “mating mating mating” pressure. You’re great ao we have to be in some kind of sexual relationship. Arrrggh. Why does it always have to go to the next level?

    Sorry, ranty time of the month.

  27. Kris says:

    Great comment, Lily. Friend it is. 🙂

  28. Kris says:

    Holy crap, Tam. You are ranty.

    Okay here’s a question for you – I feel like I’m truth or daring you btw so feel free to ignore me – have you not ever wished that one of your gay friends was not gay? Or have you ever said to one of your girl friends that I would definitely fuck you if I was into chicks? Perhaps it’s only me again. Hmmm, it could quite possibly have been the tequila shots talking at the time. LOL.

  29. Tam says:

    Ummm. No. It was the tequila. LOL

  30. Kris says:

    Figures. Probably also explains why I was licking salt off her neck and throwing down a shot that I’d nipped from it’s nestling place between her boobs, right?? *snicker*

  31. jessewave says:


    <>Probably also explains why I was licking salt off her neck and throwing down a shot that I’d nipped from it’s nestling place between her boobs, right<>


    I’m with Lily – I prefer “friend”. It’s no different from being friends with anyone else. I have a lot of gay male friends to whom I go for advice and hang out with, but they would never dare call me a “fag hag” or a “beard” which is the other term I despise.

  32. Kris says:

    I’d completely forgotten about the word ‘beard’, Wave. It took me ages to get what this was referring to. *I can be a little slow at times.* It’s not a word I really like either – kind of like Katrina’s ‘fish’. Yuck.

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