tam’s guest post: toys for boys

Vibrators, dildos and cock rings, oh my. Are there enough in m/m romance? And why am I even thinking about this you ask? Umm, no comment. Anyway, I noticed that very rarely are there toys utilized in m/m romance books. Now the exception is BDSM books (of varying degrees) where toys seem to be a more integral part of the lifestyle, but with your typical vanilla romance they don’t show up very often. Why?

Is it because many of the stories are shorter covering from a few hours to a few weeks of a romance and you’re unlikely to pull out the big guns (dildos) on the first date? Is it because there is the school of thought that says you only get into toys when things get boring and dull and you need to spice it up and if you are truly in love you’ll never need them? Are they too naughty for nice boys and not “romantic” enough? Are they only for use when you can’t get the real thing? Do you wish there were more toys in your romance or are you content with the level you’ve found? Do you own any toys? (Just had to ask cuz I’m nosey that way. 😉 )

About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
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30 Responses to tam’s guest post: toys for boys

  1. Kris says:

    I'm pervy enough to admit that I like toys in romance. I also like the fact that the use of toys varys according to the vanilla levels of the romance or erotica. Well, in my reading experience it has anyway.

    The use of toys in the spice up your sex life storyline always worries me though cos I'm always thinking to myself that after the first adrenaline-rush session those guys are prob'ly going to seriously hurt each other with those things and/or break up anyway. Just doesn't work for me at all.

  2. Kris says:

    Have to say, I'm totally squicked by that picture.

    Why is there a rat shaped dildo?? The implications associated with that are just fucking disgusting.

  3. Tam says:

    Hey, I didn't draw it. Don't you remember the wombat dildo or whatever the hell that thing was? Disturbing stuff. I'm still trying to figure out what that is in the upper right hand corner, like a turtle with a handle.

    I do like to see toys in my romance, not every one or that would get boring too. But I do like to see it in relationships outside of BDSM context. Just two normal guys who spice it up once in a while. Rarely do they ever watch porn either.

  4. Tam says:

    Oh wait, it was a Wallaby, I think a wombat would be a bit small maybe? I'm not up on the penile proportions of my Australian marsupials.


  5. Tam says:

    HAHAHA, the butt plug for your favourite goth.


    OMG, scroll down this page http://www.blowfish.com/catalog/toys/luxury.html to the we vibe. That was invented here in town by laid of tech workers and a good friend of mine was telling us about how he helped the company expand into Europe and it felt really weird to have to talk about a vibe and he wasn't sure if the government could represent a sex toy company. LOL They opened a kiosk in the heart of Paris for two months selling nothing but we vibes. They're actually rejigging it so it has more than two speeds. I should surf the net more often. This is fun.

  6. What about the good old butt plug? Nothing says hot first date that having that up the ass.

  7. Kris says:

    Tam: I think the rosebud but plug is kinda pretty. I also wanna know how one becomes a sex toy tester. Not that I'm planning a career change or anything….

  8. Kris says:

    Katiebabs chook: Absolutely. Bound to set the other guy off like a firework, volcano, whatever.

  9. Tam says:

    Not that I'm planning a career change or anything….

    You could just do it part-time in addition to your day job. I think full-time would kill you. But you'd die with a smile on your face. I'm sure if you send off a letter to Bad Dragon explaining your geographical proximity to some of the marsupials in question they might take you on as an official tester. 😀 Now THAT would be a blog post.

  10. Kris says:

    Tam: I think it might make me sound as though I've already had some practice with said marsupials and I'll just come across as looking like a suck fuck.

    BTW, I'm convinced that picky in the top right hand corner is either a stingray or the babies in Alien – yanno the ones that impregnate you. Icky.

  11. Tam says:

    Maybe its a sex toy for sting rays. They have love lives too.

  12. Kris says:

    True. It would explain why the straps are big enough to fit over their wingy fins.

  13. Great post, Tam. I hadn't considered this before. I'm guessing these toys don't show up much in non-BDSM m/m fiction because of exactly what you said here:

    “… you only get into toys when things get boring and dull and you need to spice it up and if you are truly in love you’ll never need them?”

    That may be the prevailing thought, but it doesn't mean it's true. That said, I've got to admit that the little picture is a bit on the creepy side. I'd admit to being fairly squicked out over it myself!

  14. wren says:

    That thing in the upper right corner – it's a butterfly vibrator, or at least a variation on that theme. It's a girly thing. unlikely to see use in m/m-land.

    See: http://www.shopinprivate.com/vebusextoy.html

    Do not ask me how I know this. Won't tell.

  15. orannia says:

    Hmmm. I'm probably going to put my foot right in it but…wouldn't there be a range of toy use in m/m? I'm speaking about fictional m/m, as I have no idea what the use of toys is in real life. Hmmmm, wouldn't that be an interesting poll *grin*

    Brain hurts now….

  16. JenB says:

    I love toys in my bedroom and in my books.

    Unfortunately, I think many authors don't know how to write about them. They often try to write an entire scene around a toy rather than writing a scene that just happens to have a toy in it.

    Aaaand…hehe…if you wanna see a toy shop just for gay men, check this place out (NSFW!!!!!):

  17. Tam says:

    Val: Squicked out indeed. LOL You innocent you.

    Wren: Thanks for the education and we won't ask HOW you knew that. But then what the hell is that thing sticking out the bottom in the picture?

    Orianna: You'd think so, from none to hardcore but for just regular couples its not very common.

    Jen: You could be right and if an author's not comfortable better to skip it than have it be awkward and annoying. Toys are something people don't talk about much in real life usually. Cause nice girls/boys/couples don't right? 😉 Thanks for the link. 🙂

  18. Tam says:

    Okay, what is the first thing I find on that link Jen left? This. HAHAHAHA

    Well, its not pin the tail on the donkey.


  19. wren says:

    Tam: I'm sure that tail hanging off the…um…butterfly is for the, you know, internal stimulation. Cause the butterfly is on the outside. Or, maybe, since it's a hand drawn pic, it's the controller for the b'fly's vibration.

    And this is WAY more analysis than I'm used to doing on this subject!

  20. Tam says:

    But you're a natural Wren. 🙂

  21. wren says:

    Okay, and just to prove your point, Tam, I took another look at that pic (why, oh why?) and decided that that appendage must be for insertion, b/c there is a little wire that obviously goes to a controller.

    But going back to your original question, I have never felt shorted because there are few toys in my m/m romance. But, now, of course, I will be thinking about it. Often. Maybe writing a scene in my head.

    I have to get that damn butterfly out of there first!

  22. “Val: Squicked out indeed. LOL You innocent you.”

    I'm afraid I am! (Both squicked out and innocent.) Totally, ha, ha!

  23. Sarah says:

    Toys are great. And I think that might be a possum perhaps? LOL.

    I wonder if authors feel that their boys should just have simultaneous orgasms all on their clever own, without toys. Maybe the very nature of toys makes them shy away? God knows it makes me snigger!

    http://www.dvice.co.nz/ A most excellent shop and their fuck'a'ware parties are magic. 🙂

  24. Kris says:

    Bloody hell, Tam. What have you done with my blog!

    Like Val and Orannia, being naive and innocent, I clicked on the various links strictlky for educative purposes. OMG!

    Wren: The blurb says you can wear it during sex so you may need to rethink the insertion idea, although maybe this particular one is for solo use.

    Jen: NSFW?!? Ya think! *snicker* Like Tam, I immediately noticed the anal toss ring.

    I can also say beyond a doubt that I have now had my eyes opened re: the true definition of a 'size' slut'. Some of those toys are friggin' enormous!

    Sarah: Well, the simultaneous orgasm IS a sign of fated twu wuv. To add toys would sully such a divine event.

    Fuck-a-ware parties. I like it. 🙂

  25. Tam says:

    I actually went to one of those parties. I wasn't called that but same concept. Umm, it was weird. I found out way more about my neighbours' personal lives than I wanted. And I felt obliged to buy something. Its worse than freaking tupperware. The pressure. I think with the right crowd it could be a riot but I only knew two people there and it was meh.

  26. Matthew says:

    Well, I don't have any toys and I can't say I really miss it in m/m fiction… Perhaps having two real and one artificial thing is not the most romantic concept, methinks.

  27. Tam says:

    No toys huh Matthew? 😀 I don't think its necessarily “romantic” but not every encounter in a loving relationship is “romantic”, sometimes it just hot and down and dirty which is good but again, I know in many books the relationship doesn't cover a very long period so its not likely to come up. I'm thinking of 911 where there was a scene with toys and porn but it was 18 months or more into the relationship. Might not be something you do in the first 2 weeks. 🙂 Well, some might not.

  28. Kris says:

    Well, when you put it like that, Matthew, it definitely, isn't it. 😦 You're a glass half empty person, aren't you.

  29. JenB says:

    I don't think I've ever thought of toys as romantic.

    “I love you. My dildo loves you too. Let me show you.”


    But who needs romance when you've got lots of sweaty sex? LOL

  30. Tam says:

    Damn, I like the way you think Jen. LOL

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