Probably best to just turn away right now and not read this post. I feel the need to be deep and meaningfully self-indulgent and, because I lack a journal to write all this woe-is-me-shit in, it’s going here.
You’ve been warned.
I’m depressed. I’m really depressed.
I feel like I’m drowning and I just can’t do the happy smiley Kris any more.
I just can’t.
She makes me so very tired. She also makes it worse.
Worse because when I’m her I don’t deal with how I’m feeling. I sabotage myself. I do stupid things and what’s ridiculous is that I know exactly what I will do.
I know that I will drink too much. I know that I will smoke too much. I know that I will self harm.
That’s what happened last night and this morning I hate myself for it.
So, I need to take a break.
I need to OCD my house. I need to get rid of the booze. I need to make sure I have food and stuff for the boy kittehs. I need to let the Mumma and Baby Brother know that I’m okay but am having a timeout. I need to curl up and hide for a while.
Most of all, though, I need – needed – to get this all out.
To stop the pretending about what I’m feeling.
Another self-destructive trait I have. *wry smile*
Anyway, that’s it. That’s me.
Probably way more me than some people wanted to know, but, hey, I did tell you not to read this post so it’s your own fucking fault. 😛