my kittens hate me

I am busy, busy with work this week. Yesterday I was away all day in the country and Thurs/Fri I will be doing an overnight trip; hence today’s post.

I know I’ve said that my kittens are adorable, annoying and terrifyingly intelligent, but allow me to explain in further detail.

The things my boys do which could be considered slightly odd behaviour (especially given that they are only 5 1/2 months old)

  • be lovey-dovey when I’m feeling blue
  • love water (patting it to see if it is really wet, playing in the kitchen sink especially when there is washing up to be done, sometimes getting in to the shower with me – a lot less icky then it sounds – etc)
  • say hello to people as soon as they hear the car and/or person (depending upon their affection for the person – and, yes, they always seem to know – this may be (a) either looking adorable and rubbing against a leg or (b) running down the hall like mini elephants before leaping to splat themselves on the fly screen front door)
  • say goodbye to people (depending upon their affection for the person this may be (a) either trying to escape with them out the front door or (b) sitting in the front window watching the person drive away looking pitiful)
  • (because they are indoor cats) go for walks on their harnesses and leashes
  • play fetch (yes, they bring the ball back, drop it at your feet, expect a ‘good boy’ and pat, and wait for the ball to be thrown again)
  • play the drum kit on my brother’s iPhone touch pad thingy (I know!)

All in all, yes, a bit strange, but truly scary is one of their favourite ‘games’ at the moment, which is to punish anyone who they think does them wrong. Oh yes, it’s definitely an eye for an eye in this household!

Let me explain some more – As I said, I was away for work all day yesterday and came home late desperate for a shower and alcohol, but I didn’t indulge myself. Being a good parent I gave the boys cuddles, fed them and promised more loves later on. Did this satisfy them – NO!

Their retribution (in order) was as follows:

1. “While you distract her, Feliks, I’ll get into the glass of red wine (it’s wet after all) and finding this particular vintage not to my taste, spit it out, spraying it everywhere in the kitchen before walking through it and thus leaving red pawprints through the house.”

2. “Hey Boris why do you think she left this thing on the kitchen bench all wrapped up like this? I dare you to poke at it to see what it is. Oh wow bread – let’s throw it down on to the now clean floor, have a nibble and when we’re finished play soccer with it.”

3. “She’s angry at us for that?! Let’s go absolutely fucking feral, rug surf on the floorboards, and just generally drive her crazy. In the middle of all this, we can go really quiet. You know that always freaks her out and makes her come running. Hee, hee.”

4. “Do you think that she’s really sleeping? I’ll just go up and pat her face a few times and check.”

5. “Did she really think that turning on the light and yelling at us before rolling over to go back to sleep will stop us from fighting?! I know Boris, why don’t you go get your ball, dunk it a few times in our water bowl, bring it back here and then dump it on the back of her neck? That always gets her up.”

6. “Great idea, Feliks, and if we get distracted on the way back and have a game of wet soccer (two of our fave things) we can play with the dishcloth when she tries to clean up the floor. YAY – morning s are always such fun.”

7. “Hey Feliks I’ve learnt this cool new trick. If I pull out the dirt from this pot plant and mix it with the water in the sink, I can make pretty pictures. Oh, and she gets really pissed when I eat it. That should get us our breakfast faster.”

I don’t even want to think about what they’ll be like on Friday when I get home. I’m hoping they’ll take it all out on my younger cousin who is coming to kitten-sit them. Scary little shites.

In the meantime I’m bribing them with dairy products.

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About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
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