twu wuv

Jenre: Ah yes. Twu wuv. That moment when you realise that the vague feelings you were experiencing towards this other person is actually a full on forever and ever and hearts and bunnies and flowers and growing old together feeling. Awww. Isn’t it cute?

However, for the discerning reader of m/m, certain clues can be picked up throughout a book which flags up instantly that the two heroes are destined for twu wuv. So my good buddy Kris from ‘Kris n Good Books’ and I have come up with a list of these clues so you, the reader, may never again be unsure that the heroes in your m/m books are destined to be together.

Kris: “Twuuuuuuu Wuvvvvvv.” Yes, we all know this is something the mostly dead Westley moaned about Buttercup, but what would he have said or done or thought if it was Inigo Montoya who was his soul mate? Ever thought of that? Really, you haven’t?? But what about all the thrusting, etc in their sword fight scene? It fair sizzled with sexual tension and BDSM overtones. Maybe it’s just me again. *sigh*

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. Twu wuv. So my mate Jenre from ‘Well Read’ and I put together this list of warning signs when reading m/m to either prepare yourself or avoid altogether that sickly sweet, sugar rush feeling. Aww, who am I kidding, we… well, most of us… get warm and steamy when we realise that the heroes were meant for forever-style lovey doveyness. That’s why we read romance after all. *g*

So, here it is. Our Top 25 “You know it’s Twu Wuv whens…”:

1. He can swallow your enormous cock down to the root without gagging

2. You’re a top and he’s a natural bottom

3. Having sex instantly heals you of all psychological problems

4. You go from manslut to insta-fidelity

5. You feel compelled to get a wash cloth and clean him up after sex

6. You cuddle after sex even though you usually hate the cuddling stuff

7. You stop trolling the bars and want to stay at home and watch TV with him

8. You swallow when it’s always something that you’ve refused to do before

9. All of a sudden you’re insisting he go bareback when it’s always been a thing that someone (unsuccessfully) has tried to get you to do in the past

10. Although you’ve always been a top/bottom before, you are willing to switch for him for the rest of your life

11. You want to come out of the closet for him and shout your love to the four corners of the world

12. He’s the only man that you’ve ever wanted to have sex with

13. Even though you prefer doggy style you want to do it missionary so you can watch his face while he/you fuck you/him

14. You can come a gazillion times in one night without suffering the effects of severe dehydration

15. Body modification suddenly becomes a way of proving your devotion

16. And so does purchasing stock in Crisco

7. You have the longest, hardest orgasm of your life the first time you have sex (and on every subsequent occasion)

18. You’re a Dom and he has a, hitherto undiscovered, desire to be a sub

19. The fact that he wears women’s underwear turns you on even though you’ve never liked it in your men before

20. Developing a taste for rosebuds, especially after bareback sex, is your new favourite fetish

21. The fact that he is technically dead is a big turn on

22. Even if you haven’t seen him for years you fantasise about him whilst having sex with other men

23. You’ve known him for 2 days and yet you are prepared to quit your job and move to the other side of the country to be with him

24. When you meet again after 5-15 years of separation following a Big Misunderstanding, family interference and/or amnesia you realise that you’ve never stopped loving him despite having 3 long term relationships and countless hook-ups in the interim

25. You come simultaneously

Now it’s your turn. Can you think of any clues to twu wuv in m/m that we may have missed? Possibly some that don’t reveal how superficial and sex-obsessed the readers are??

About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
This entry was posted in Jenre, joint post, m/m, twu luv. Bookmark the permalink.

48 Responses to twu wuv

  1. Tracy says:

    lmao! How could I possibly top that list. Great list ladies!

  2. Tam says:

    That is hilarious. #21 killed me.

    If one of them has a kid they will instantly be the kid's new favourite person. Especially if they bring stuffed toys as gifts. (Cause I know that would work for me.)

    Great post guys.

  3. Lori says:

    Bwahahaha. I think you hit them all. Twu wuv it is!

  4. wren says:

    So, how's this work? Do I post my comment on both blogs? Okay, I will!

    a. You think/say words like the following: adorable, cute, little man, honey, bright eyes, shutterbug, goldilocks…

    b. You google “lube pillow packs”, place an order and then keep some of those in your pockets, in the end table, the desk drawer, the fridge and the tool chest at all times.

    c. You think it's hot that your man turns into a ___(fill in the blank) when the moon is full.

    d. You don't bat an eye when you realize that he's a whore with intimate knowledge of every man on the eastern seaboard.

    Of course, the way I am always assured that my heroes are destined to be together is to flip to the end of the book. *big grin/runs fast*

  5. Tam says:

    Wren: D was very funny.

  6. Tam says:

    I think also if you've rescued someone from imminent death, doom, disaster, maiming or other crisis including car trouble or a bad hair day, its a sign you're meant to be together for evah.

  7. OMG, I was planning to post something related (tentative title “5 Minutes to True Love”)! I'm going to go ahead with it, and link to both of you!

    Wonderful list! I encounter way too much of #1 in my reading, and #14 and #17 just make me burst out laughing. Every mm writer needs to have a look at this list to shake off the cliches, ha, ha!

    A few more signs of true love?

    Sobbing tears of joy before sex, during sex, and after sex.

    Wanting to shampoo one another's hair.

  8. Kris says:

    Tracy: Jen & me are funny. *g*

    Tam, thanks! I love your suggestion of the insta-love between rescuer and rescuee. How many times have we all read that one. LOL.

    Lori: We certainly had fun making sure we got as many of the 'twu wuv whens' as possible. *gigglesnort*

  9. Kris says:

    Wren, we're not meant to admit to reading the back of the book. Apparently we cheat if we do that. 🙂

    I'm loving you a) and d), although I definitely think you need to add the dreaded baby to a).

    Val: Great minds and all that. *g* But how did we forget the sobbing tears of orgasmic, twu wuv joy?! LOL. That one is soooo spot on.

  10. Kate Pearce says:

    Just thank you-this made me snort tea all over my keyboard-in a good way 🙂

  11. JenB says:

    Love this list. 🙂 Representative of so many books I've read.

  12. Main characters call each other by endearments (e.g., baby, honey, sweetie, pookums, boy, love, stud, darling, babycakes, muffin, etc.) in Every. Single. Line. Of dialog.

  13. wren says:

    Tam: Thanks!

    Kris: I can't believe I forgot the 'baby'! Oh, and 'lover' (as in, “Come here, lover.”)

  14. Nothing says Twu wuv than rimming and the object of your desire hasn't showered either.

    Isn't gagging a plus because it shows the cock is so long that it can reach all the way down to your heart where you burst with such deep love for big long cock hitting your heart?

  15. Kris says:

    Kate: Always happy to help with the destruction – in a good way – of private property. 😉

    Jen: I know! When I came to help Jen compile the list, it was amazing how many of these I could instantly relate to books I'd read and, more worryingly, sometimes it was even the same friggin' book!

    Jaye: Yes! There a few authors guilty of this who immediately spring to mind. It either makes me want to gag or try and work out whether the protags have forgotten each others names already. Not good for twu wuv.

  16. if someone is going to stick their tongue near the poop shoot, it has to be twu wuv. Think about it…..

    also cuddling and snuggling is a truw wign of twu wuv.

  17. Kris says:

    Wren: Babe and baby two of the most overused endearments in m/m IMO. They piss me off. Grrr.

    Katiebabs chook: Why am I not surprised that you would bring up rimming since you are so obsessed with the act.

    “Isn't gagging a plus because it shows the cock is so long that it can reach all the way down to your heart where you burst with such deep love for big long cock hitting your heart?”

    ROFL! This also made me think of another one. You know it's twu wuv when he fucks you so hard and deep that you can feel his cock in the back of your throat. O_o

  18. Kris says:

    KB: See. Obsessed.

    Oh! You know it's twu wuv when you choose to snuggle and cuddle on the couch as opposed to bending him over one end of it and screwing him blind.

  19. me obsessed? why don't be spreading rumors about me now.
    I am watching you. Nothing says twu wuv than becoming a stalker and buying a big tub of Vaseline to be used on the object of your desire.

    I sound like such a perv.

  20. K. Z. Snow says:

    I didn't get past #1, because I immediately started wondering, Where the hell is my enormous cock, anyway? I seem to have misplaced it again.

    Actually, I threw out an answer at Jen's. But here's another:

    You immediately adore each other's kids, even if one is a teenager who hasn't yet been potty trained and the other mentored Rhoda Penmark from The Bad Seed.

  21. K. Z. Snow says:

    You think his smegma is the best thing since creme brulee.


    I rather like the endearment “crouton,” so it doesn't bother me no matter how many times I see it. Oh, and “slurpydink.”


    Somebody needs to write a story in which NONE of the listed things shows up. Not one.

  22. Kris says:

    KZ: *tsk, tsk* You really must do something about your cock memory.

    Nice one. On meeting his children, you immediately develop a desperate need to be a Daddy even tho it's always been something you've dismissed as being for breeders.

  23. Kris says:

    Oh, c'mon, K Z. You made those endearments up.

    “Somebody needs to write a story in which NONE of the listed things shows up. Not one.”

    There you go. Your next story, K Z, just waiting to happen.

  24. Lily says:

    ROFLMAO, brilliant post!!!!!

    I can't think of anything to add to the list cause my brain is fried from laughing so much. Too freaking funny 😀

  25. JenB says:

    What about sudden urges to sniff jockstraps? 'Cause that just freaks me the hell out.

    Did I miss that one somewhere?

  26. Kris says:

    Lily: *g* C'mon, hun, you got to at least try.

    Jen: ROFL! I love it! A new jockstrap fetish is definitely an indication of twu wuv.

  27. Ingrid says:

    When someone's bad habits, clumsiness becoming endearing

  28. Kris says:

    Ingrid: Like I love you although I think your clumisness may actually kill me one of these days?? Oh, yeah.

  29. Jenre says:

    Wow, some great suggestions here guys. I especially like KB's rimming thing! Am I the only one who wonders when the guy last cleaned himself every time there's a rimming scene?

    Tam: Bad hair days can be very traumatic. I'd fall instantly in love if I were rescued from such a disaster ;).

    KZ: has anyone told you that you are filthy? Smegma? Yuk.

    Big hugs for Kris for agreeing to do this. It was great fun :).

  30. Jenre says:

    Ooh, I meant to say the whole endearment thing is getting very tired. Very. tired.

  31. jitterbug says:

    ROTFL!! This list is fantastic, ladies, you have made my Wednesday morning!

    My suggestions:

    a. it's twu vuw when the heroes start springing hard-ons every hour of every day without any signs of flagging and no matter where they are or with whom they are (not even sweet octogenarian grandmas serve as deterrent);

    b. it's twu vuw when the heroes discover suddenly an abnormally highly-developed sense of smell, sniffing each other even from distance

    and obviously

    c. it's twu vuw when it's at least 9 inches of incredibly thick cock!!

  32. Kris says:

    It was great fun, Jen baby, wasn't it, pookie bear. We'll have to do it again sometime, babe. *snort*

    Sara: Yes, it's absolutely twu wuv when the protags suddenly have a case of extreme hardon. I LOVE that one, Sara. Too funny and too true.

    Oh, and monster cock absolutely = twu wuv. That's a given. 😉

  33. Clare London says:

    *lmao* Loved it!

    (now must go back to my current story and delete a couple of lines…^_~)

  34. Jenre says:

    Sure was snookums.

  35. Sarah says:

    You two are too much. *snort*

  36. Kris says:

    Clare: *snicker*

    Jen: Indeedy, munckin. 🙂

  37. Kris says:

    Sarah: In a good way though, right Sarah. 😉

  38. jessewave says:

    I really needed a laugh today after a rotten week. I have to link to this because it's so great.

    Recently I hve been reading M/M books which contain many of these signs of twu wuv and this would be the candle in the cupcake.:)

    My coffee almost came through my nose.

  39. Anonymous says:

    This is hilarious…
    What about orgasming so hard u have loss of consciousness?

  40. Tam says:

    Hey Suzi, good to see you. I have recently wanted to make a survey of my friends (gay and straight) to see if anyone has ever passed out from an orgasm. I've obviously been doing something wrong.

  41. Kris says:

    Wave, I hate the coffee nasal spurt. Iz yucky.

    I think we've all read stories that featured one or more of these. It's actually kinda scary once you stop laughing.

    Suzi! Where've you been, hun? 🙂 I can't believe Jen and I forgot blackout sex too. Always a sure sign of twu wuv. LOL.

    Tam: Maybe it's an urban legend?? God, could you imagine the post about blackout sex being an urban legend. That would be fucking hilarious.

  42. nichem says:

    LOL! Great list! I think I've come across all those recently.

    Hmmm, the only other one I can think of is a variation of #24. After the Big Misunderstanding/ family interference/ amnesia you don't date/kiss/have sex with/look at ANYONE else until you meet up again 15-20 YEARS later.

  43. Kris says:

    ROFL! God, yes, Richelle. The insta-healing of impotency the first time you meet after the Big Misunderstanding Separation is ALWAYS a sign of twu wuv.

  44. Anonymous says:

    I just came back from vacation in Kenya where we had gone on a safari… It was quite a sight seeing the animals esp the migration. Pretty cool.
    It was hard to get online frequently though.
    I am catching up and just bought The Protector to read.
    I thought I have had some good orgasms but I am yet to black out… maybe I should keep looking?

  45. Kris says:

    Oh, awesome, Suzi. You are forgiven. 🙂

    “I thought I have had some good orgasms but I am yet to black out… maybe I should keep looking?”

    You think maybe your hubby will kick your arse if you do go looking?? LOL.

  46. Kate R says:

    yeah that's a great list. I must tweet it asap.

  47. Kris says:

    Thanks Kate. It seems to resonate with a lot of m/m readers. I wonder why. 😉

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