tam’s guest post: to mate or not to mate

I was reading a story about mates, a GFY mate story (and I enjoy a good GFY story – mate or not) and I was thinking about the concept. I wish mates existed in real life. I’ve been married, he was not my mate. (Obviously, we’re not together now and I’m not dying of a broken heart.) But life would be easier in some ways if there were mates.

Once you found yours, you would know that’s it. No more worrying, no more looking. They won’t cheat on you, they’ll love you forever, they’ll die to protect you (and vice versa of course), and you’ll truly live happily ever after. Now granted with 6 billion people on the planet maybe finding your mate will be difficult and maybe you’ll never find your mate, so I suppose that would suck but hey, you could still date and get married if you want, just know its likely going to end in divorce, just like real life. (Ohhh, who’s cynical?)

So would you like a mate? Do you think you’ve found yours? Or does it seem too creepy to be ruled purely by biological need and not your brain?

About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
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27 Responses to tam’s guest post: to mate or not to mate

  1. Kris says:

    Part of me – the romantic – thinks “aww, how sweet. there's someone out there for all of us”. The cynic thinks it's a crock of shit and wouldn't want to get stuck with some dick (literally) for the rest of her life.

    Taken separately, I'm very fond of GFY and enjoy mates stories if it's m/f or it's clear that the guys are gay, bi or bi-curious from the outset.

    However, the combination of GFY and mates themes makes me uncomfortable. I'm not really convinced that a person can change their sexuality when they find “the one”.

    An author has to really work their arse off to make me believe this concept. Off the top of my head the only one that I can think of that did convince me was JL Langley's Without Reservations.

  2. JenB says:

    I don't really think soul mates exist. Love is constant hard work.

  3. wren says:

    I like GFY. I like Mates. I like GFY Mates. What can I say? I am happiest in the land of fantasy. And I think if there can be magic enough to lead you to your true mate among billions of people, there can be magic enough to initiate the gfy hormone.

    In terms of real life, um, yeah, none of that.

  4. Tam says:

    But if he was your mate Kris you wouldn't think he's a dick. You'd think he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. 🙂

    Jen: I think that's why I wish mates existed, because I can't be bothered doing the hard work. If I had a mate I wouldn't have to because he'd be totally smitten. Oh yeah, you can tell I'm perpetually single. LOL

    The GFY hormone Wren. That's a good one. 🙂

  5. I would love to have a mate. Someone who understands my quirks and doesn't mind me peeing in front of and visa versa.

    But like Jen said, love is hard work.

  6. Tam says:

    KB: Ummm, yeah for that reason alone a mate would be useful. I was thinking would take the trash out on the right day without prompting, but hey, the peeing thing works.

  7. Kris says:

    As long as it's not golden showers cos that seriously squicks me out.

  8. Nothing says true love than pissing on your mate.

  9. JenB says:

    If your mate is male, he will not be capable of taking out the trash on the correct day. Sorry, it's genetic.

    He will, however, be more than happy to pee in front of you. LOL

    Oddly enough, I'll usually buy the mate concept in paranormal and sci-fi. I just roll my eyes at it in non-supernatural romance.

  10. Lily says:

    It's a great idea in books. I love the Mates storyline, the instant knowledge that this one person/wolf/vamp/devil/angel whatever is the one for you. No need to impress the person with your looks, talent, degrees, job, great clothes. Just a whiff of your pheromones and TA DA, magically its love and happiness forever.

    But yeah, as I said, it's great in books. In real life, not a chance. Like JenB said, it takes lots and lots of hard work. Remind them to take the garbage out on Friday morning, week after week. Remember which team they care about or listen to what their WOW character just did. It's the little things (ok, maybe some things not too little) that are important.

  11. Tam says:

    Okay, why is the garbage thing such a hard concept for them? Sigh.

    I don't believe in soul mates in real life, better matches than others sometimes. But it's a nice idea if it worked.

  12. K. Z. Snow says:

    I've never had a soulmate. Came close with a gay man who was my best friend for a period of time when I lived elsewhere. But a straight guy? Pffff. Don't think it's even remotely possible.

    I've already killed off two husbands and been tempted to do the same to a few boyfriends. The one I have now is lucky he's still sucking air.

    This raises an interesting issue. Can there be such a thing as GFY between a het woman and homo man? Without one of them having extensive surgery? (I certainly wouldn't want it to be the man, since that would mean sacrificing a perfectly good dick.)

    Sorry. My mind is just dancing around today. Doing the quadrille, I think.

  13. Tam says:

    That would be SFY on his part I think if you want to keep the dick. Can it happen? Probably, for a time. Maybe if he has bi leanings. Could it last for evah ane evah? Hmmm. I have my doubts.

    Is your current squeeze aware he needs to sleep with one eye open at night or have you lulled him into a false sense of security?

  14. Great post, Tam! I'm with JenB in that I'm okay with the soul-mates idea in supernatural fiction, but it seems like the easy way out in contemporary fiction.

  15. Tam says:

    Val: There are lots of things easy to overlook in the fantasy/supernatural genre because no one can prove it. LOL Insta-love. I don't love it in supernatural settings but I can accept it, which I can't do in contemporary. Although seems that plenty of people keep looking for that elusive soul mate.

  16. K. Z. Snow says:

    No-no-no, Tam! The thought of SFY is odious, on all kinds of levels.

    I'm just SOL on the GFY front…except I now have another idea for a story. 😉

  17. Tam says:

    I better get a cut of the profits from the story then KZ since I seem to have inspired you. 🙂

  18. Tracy says:

    I love the mates themes in paranormal & sci-fi romance. I love reading about it whether it's GFY or not. I still think that the couple has to work on their relationship and wouldn't care for it if the couple had no problems because mates or not, living with having a relationship with another human is damned hard.

    KB – no pissing on your mate, mate.

  19. No pissing? What about coming?

    Kris, the things I say here! *blush*

  20. Tracy says:

    oh yeah, that's ok. 🙂

  21. Tam says:

    Sheesh Katie. You're a nasty girl. 😉 Must be why Kris likes you.

    Tracy: Yeah hard work, but its nice to dream.

  22. Emilie says:

    Like Kris said, Without Reservations is the only “Gay for You” story I found convincing, **spoilers** partly because the “straight” character had had some experiences with men in college. I can't think of another story in which a character becomes gay or straight which has been believable for me. I do like “mates” stories if the mates agree on orientation to start with.

  23. Kris says:

    KBC: “Kris, the things I say here! *blush*”

    Hey, don't blame me, naughty girl. It's all you. 😉

  24. Tam says:

    Emilie, its always more believable if the “straight” character at least admits to some latent attraction to other me. I'm thinking ZA Maxfield's Drawn Together where Rory appears to be straight and has always dated women but later he says it wasn't that he didn't find men attractive, he just never liked one enough to make that step. I do like GFY. Sure its likely totally unrealistic, but heck, it works for me. 🙂

  25. orannia says:

    Hmmm, methinks I'm going to be the lone voice here…I believe in soul mates *ducks. Do I think I'll find mine? Fat chance – I have the worst luck in the world. But…being me, and with all the baggage I have no one else apart from my solul mate will bother to take the time.

    I ended getting into a rather heated discussion over soul mates with tmy best friend. Just because I believe in soul mates doesn't mean I think a relationship between soul mates would be easy. It wouldn't! As has already been said, love is hard work.

    So, do I mind reading about mates in books? No…although sometimes it can be rather depressing 🙂

  26. Tam says:

    Awww Orianna. Hopefully one day you will find your soul mate. I think it's a very personal thing, some people believe, some don't. I think it's very easy to be jaded about love. Happy hunting. 🙂

  27. orannia says:

    Thank you Tam 🙂

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