vampire ponderings (part 3)



So, it comes to this.

The final chapter in my vampire ponderings.

It ends with a very important question:

“If you were to become a vampire at what age would you want to be turned?”

Think carefully now because, depending on the breed that changes you, you could or could not end up with your period for who the fuck knows how long.

Of course, if you’re a boy, you’re totally golden…

… or sparkly as the case may be.
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About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
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27 Responses to vampire ponderings (part 3)

  1. K. Z. Snow says:

    *Sigh.*

    This is the last time I'm telling you. Vampires can't make babies. Females don't get their periods and males don't have viable sperm. They also don't carry or transmit disease, and they don't dream. They don't freakin' “sparkle,” either. (What the bloody hell does a Mormon housewife know about vampires? About as much as I know about Mormon housewives.)

  2. Sean Kennedy says:

    I would want to be seventeen so I could go to highschool for the REST OF MY FREAKING EXISTENCE.

  3. JenB says:

    Age 21. I was hot at that age, and my college classes were easy.

  4. 25. I am in between being a child and an adult and I looked fabulous.
    Seems like a good age for me.

    And my hair would totally sparkle and my boobs would be perky.

  5. orannia says:

    I would want to be seventeen so I could go to highschool for the REST OF MY FREAKING EXISTENCE.

    *snort*

    And I'm with KB – 25 sounds like a good age…old enough to have some life experience but young enough to not be sagging *grin* Although, like I said in Part 1, I'd rather go the werewolf route than the vampire route…

  6. Lily says:

    I'd like to be turned before my 25th birthday. Young and perky but with a bit of experience.

    And I totally agree with KZ. Vamps DO NOT sparkle!!!

  7. Jenre says:

    Sean: You are joking, surely? I'm NEVER going back to my school days *shudder*.

    21 sounds good to me. I was actually thin at that age. Although I did have terrible early 90's hair, but I suppose that could change – after all vamp hair seems to keep growing so I could style it however I liked.

  8. Ingrid says:

    I went to study at 17. I don't like the prospect of having to go to the introduction week every year and first of all having exams!

    I think I will go for 30. As I was never slim, my boobs haven't been perky since I was 13, I go for a little bit more life experience.

  9. Kris says:

    KZ: But you said in the comments for yesterday's post that they could!! Are you messing with me?? You are, aren't you.

    “What the bloody hell does a Mormon housewife know about vampires? About as much as I know about Mormon housewives.”

    She had to do something to entertain herself, hun.

    Sean: Geez, don't be so cynical. I'm sure that some kids would love to got to school for year after year after year after year, etc, etc.

    JenB: I figured the hotness factor would come in to play, but would you still go to college?? I mean, top of the food chain, sweetie. Why bother. 🙂

    KBC: I can understand the perky boobs thing because that would definitely be one of my wants, but… you'd only want your hair to sparkle?? Umm, the hair on your head, I'm assuming.

  10. Kris says:

    Orannia: Yeah, but werewolves you'd still have to go through heat and have pups and stuff. The consensus if you're a vamp is no period. Sounds pretty good to me. *g*

    Lily: Not even if you smear lickable, glittery body paint all over them?? LOL.

    Jen: Vamp hair grows? How can vamp hair grow when everything else stops/slows down?!?!

    *My head hurts.*

    Ingrid: I knew I liked you. 🙂 I was thinking about that age myself cos that way I'd have my tattoos and I figured a little pudginess wouldn't hurt with the whole looking like death warmed over thing anyway.

  11. Tam says:

    I'm torn between 25 when I looked pretty good and 30 when I had a few more brains. Hmmmm. How about 27.5? Somewhere in there anyway.

  12. Oh! I want to be the only vampire with a sparkly crotch. Rainbows, stars and leprechauns shoot out when I come.

    Because don't you know I have the magic of the hoo haa?

  13. Tam says:

    You're killing me KB. LOL

  14. Kris says:

    Tam, why not be more specific – 27 years, 5 months, 3 days, 4 hours and 23 seconds. There. That sounds like a good age to me. LOL.

    KBC: Oh, c'mon. Leprechauns?? Now you and your magical hoo haa are just exaggerating.

  15. K. Z. Snow says:

    *Sigh.*

    In the earliest stages of their evolution (i.e., the primitive “parasite” phase), procreative mating was indeed possible. As the procreative function became less and less necessary, males and females gradually lost their ability to reproduce in biologically traditional ways.

    HOWEVER, as vampire evolution proceeded, species diversification took place in other ways…as did the vampires' means of producing “offspring.”

    The introduction (or exchange) and absorption of bodily fluids that takes place 1.) when a human is “birthed” into vampirism and 2.) when the vampire engages in sex invariably result in a certain amount of spontaneous genetic-level mutation. Environmental factors prompt other changes (“adaptive” mutations).

    Althouth this process is of course a slow one, it still occurs more rapidly in vampires than in mortal creatures.

  16. Kris: You deny the magic hoo haa? Anything can come out of that bottomless pit of rainbows, stars and a pot of gold.

  17. KZ: sorry, I don't believe vamps cam procreate. They are dead, deader than dead. The men shoots blanks and the female vamps can't ovulate.

    And if a female vamp can menstruate, they would be trying to bend down… okay I am going to the gross zone now.

    I blame Kris for this.

  18. I'm 33…I hope by the time I'm 35 everything will have figured itself out. So, I'll say 35. I wouldn't want to relive my teens and twenties EVER again. *icky shiver*

  19. Kris says:

    K Z: O_O

    Katiebabs chook: Including twu wuv?? 😉

    Oh, and BTW… STOP BLAMING ME FOR YOUR DIRTY MIND!

    *ahem*

    Bridget: If I was stuck as a teenager for the rest of my immortal life, I'd be staking myself. 'Nuff said.

  20. K. Z. Snow says:

    KB, they can't procreate; that's been my point all along. But the can replicate themselves, so to speak. IOW, they can create other vamps with their characteristics.

  21. Tam says:

    Hey, I watched Van Helsing (hell, we own the movie – yummy Hugh Jackman) and they were creating vampire babies (granted they exploded at birth but they were popping out the fertilized ovum (ova?)). So how do you explain that? Hollywood never lies.

  22. Tracy says:

    I'm gonna say 28. I looked damn good at that age.

    LOL @ Sean. You're funny.

    KB – if you don't seek therapy soon the rest of us will have to…just sayin.

  23. Kris says:

    *leaving KZ to continue to be picked on*

    Tracy, the consensus seems to be that the age of looking good is when people should generally be vamped.

  24. Tracy says:

    Yep – I'm with ya. Although when I read Hemovore by Price I got the impression that the guy who got vamped was changing physically and becoming a hot body.

    In Lynsay Sands books those little bug thingys take all the bad shit from your body so you are the perfect you. I could live with that as long as the perfect me did not have hips the size of an elephant ass. 🙂

  25. Kris says:

    I wouldn't mind becoming a perfect version of me – cos, let's face it, I'm pretty fucking awesome – but I wouldn't want to become a perfect version of not me. I've read a few books where the vamps become totally unrecognisable to their human form. I think that would suck.

    Having said that, I guess you'd have a long time to get used to the 'new' you, wouldn't you. 🙂

  26. Tracy says:

    No – I want to be me as well. Nothing unrecognizable.

    And yes, you are pretty fucking awesome.

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