A little while ago, everyone (ie book bloggers) was doing a manifesto.
I can’t remember why now, but there were some terrific ones about and at the time I thought to myself ‘wow, I should do one of these if I want to be taken seriously’.
Hmmm.
Well.
Errr.
*Bwahahahahahahahahaha!*
*ahem*
Moving on.
Anyhoo, since a couple of new virtuals have started to drop in, I thought I should prepare not a manifesto as such because the idea of my having one is beyond laughable, but rather a warning about what peeps should not expect when they cluelessly land on this blog.
So, here it is…
The Kris ‘n’ Good Books Not-Quite-A-Manifesto Manifesto
(in no particular order)
1. I take the piss out of (translation: take the mickey, make fun of) everything. Very little is sacred. Very little.
2. At some point I will mock you, therefore if you’re in the slightest bit sensitive you should probably leave now.
3. The title of this blog is a big fat lie. Yes, I (vaguely) talk about booky things, but only occasionally are they ‘good’ books.
4. I don’t do reviews. Infrequently I do what I call ‘tastings’ in which I kind of talk about things I dis/liked about the books I’ve read.
5. I’m not often wrong.
6. I’m completely and utterly random so if you’re expecting coherent discussions, etc you’re in the wrong place.
7. I totally object to swearing and crudity.
8. I make shit up.
9. Not only do I make shit up, but, depending on my mood, I either laugh at people behind their back or straight in their face about the fact that they believed me in the first place.
10. And, most importantly of all, I am AWESOME a Book Slut.
There you have it. That’s me and this is my blog.
For those of you who’ve been hanging around for a while now, feel free to add more crap about what people won’t get here.
Consider it a civic duty.
Kris + Books = Good. *Sometimes*. 
7. You so lie. 😛
What you won't get? Bored
What you will get?
* Lots of laughs (be careful if reading at work people will ask why you are laughing out loud).
* An education you never dreamed of. And that you won't be telling your Mom about.
* Good friends with a wicked sense of humour and no shame. That's the best part. 🙂
Your manifesto sounds like the rules… I have the rules on my fridge so my husband won't forget them LOL!
So I have to look forward to having the piss taken out of me huh!
Okay that sounds way to medical for my liking.
And this is news?
Hey, I'm the ultimate book slut, not you. How dare you! *sniff*
Don't forget the disturbing yet insightful discussions as well as the WTF covers you post.
Also you should warn people that they may just piss their pants when stopping by because they may laugh their ass off.
And why haven't we had this sooner? I've been reading this blog for a year and I didn't know half of this crap.
Not often wrong?
Bwahahahahahaha!
Sure you're not.
One reason I am ALWAYS HERE is so that if I'm not then you'll say stuff about me behind my back.
It's a good job I luv you :).
If only I'd known when I'd first gotten here. Really.
KB – YOU ARE NOT! You have to earn it baby and so far? No. 😉
You know that kitty is really cute… even I'd have that one. We did have a cat sort of like that. she was all white except for her legs… they lookes like they'd had grey and orange paint thrown at them. Her name was plankton. Don't ask! hubby is a Harley riding hairy geek (I swear you can't take a maths/science geek wearing leather seriously) with humour to match.
Re: #7
FUCK, I had no idea! Here I've been swearing and talking about buttsecks and all kinds of other sexy and irreverent shit, and I didn't even realize you were fucking opposed to it.
I'm sorry. I'm really fucking sorry.
Tam: I'm attempting to turn over a new leaf. I think I have a chance.
“And that you won't be telling your Mom about.”
How come that doesn't stop from saying things that you know my Mumma will read???
Tish, not rules so much as warnings. LOL. Rules are way to.. final. 😉
KZ: Well, not to you, but I thought I'd better let others know what they're in for.
Katiebabs chook: Ditto what Tracy said. You are not an official Book Slut until you receive our award. You will have your chance soon.
Wow, look at me being all mysterious and shit.
Jen: *smooches* I luv you too which is why I'm now telling you officially about the mocking thing.
BTW, you realise that just because you're here doesn't mean that you're safe, right. Although I do have great fun when you go camping and stuff. *hehehe*
Tracy: Really?? Well, that's just mean. *pouts*
Tish: Your hubby sounds awesome. You're a lucky lady.
JenB: Fuck me. Here I am trying to turn over a new fucking leaf, clean up this fucking place so that everyone can feel safe and fucking comfortable and look what happens. I uncover a shit.
You should be fucking sorry. Remember the grudge thing. Your arse is fucking mine. *But not in a sexual way cos you already got that going on with someone else.*
Be nice to me or I'll open my blog back up and start posting spider pics.
You are so mean.
But your Mumma is special. 🙂
*waves joyfully at Mumma*
You are such a suck up.
How much loot did Bunnicula get?
Thank you Tam… now all I have to do is convince the girl (and boy) child of the truth in that statement!
Bunnicula is still out. I was just about to text her and tell her to get home. Not many kids this year, less than 40. I'm sure she has too much junk. The icky stuff goes to my work and I feed it to the coworkers.
Mumma you organised Yorkshire puddings for me for tea tonight. I think you're friggin' awesome.
Tam, make sure you get a piccie of Bunnicula cos I want to see what her costume turned out like. I like the fact that you give your coworkers sugar overdoses. That is evil and why we are friends.
…therefore if you're in the slightest bit sensitive you should probably leave now.
I am, but then I read #8 *grin*
I think you could also add irreverence to any and all topics…and that anyone visiting the blog will always leave with a smile.
Oh, and the fact that visiting here is addictive *grin*
Damn, if only I'd known about the mocking thing before I started posting here. Now's a fucking fine time to tell me. And, shit, you don't do reviews?! I was sure a bunch were coming if I just waited a bit longer. Aww hell, and now I see you don't like swearing?! *sigh*
Love ya, Kris. Your blog always gives me a good laugh. And your tastings are often better than full-blown reviews.
Orannia: For irreverence read my #1. Possibly a little less vocaby, but that's me. 😉
Are you saying my blog is a drug? But less harmful, right??
Richelle: Fucking funny. Ha. Ha. I'm adding some fine print which says that the only person allowed to be a comedian on this blog is me.
FYI, the kiss arse is great and all, but still doesn't make up for the dissing re: Tam's quiz OR Good Reads. Actually you're pretty much on my 'shit list' forever for Good Reads. Just sayin'.
*Mmmmmmwah!*
I'm on the forever shit list?? C'mon, you know you love Good Reads. 😛
Damn it, all this time I've been coming here and I only now fucking realized that you don't believe in swearing. Shit, I must be a bit slow on the uptake lately.
So what do we get out visiting your blog. Great people, loads of fun and laughter and a place to rant about life on Friday's. Add to that some very yummy cookies and there's just no other place quite like in all of blogland.
Luv you lots, Kris!!!!
Richelle: Yes, and like fuck!
Okay, now I'm starting to get majorly pissed. From now on the only person who can fucking swear here is me.
The only exceptions to this are (a) people who tell me they luv me (but not Richelle) and (b) see (a). Extra points are given to those who tell me how awesome I am.
Lily: Backatchya. You're in. *kiss, kiss*
But, but what if I say I super duper love you and that you're totally, amazingly awesome? *bats eyelashes*
And look– I didn't even swear this time. See how nice and respectful I am? *smiles sweetly*
Um yeah, I just re-worded your #1 – DUH!
I suppose I am relating your blog to a drug…but in a good way 🙂
And you are incredibly awesome. And no swearing from me – I don't swear 🙂
You're my favorite book slut. shhh don't tell KB. *kisses*
-King Mho Fho
*snorts* Uh-huh. lol
Orannia: Phew, and thank you.
King Mho Fho: I prayed this day – when you would love me the best – would come. *sniffles*
Bridget: Something wrong??
You will get all kinds of rumour and innuendo made up about you, and it will be used against you at every opportunity.
And some people will get no respect AT ALL. (*sniff*)
Didn't I see you wearing blue mesh and being all twinky at Pride last night, Sean??
You are rather full of yourself but it's good you know it yrself.
And I am happy to see that the Mumma is around. I shudder to think what would happen if she didn't.
And btw Goodreads is usefull and fun!
5. I'm not often wrong.
*soothing voice* Of course, darling, of course.
*whisper* … only in your dreams.
😉
7. I totally object to swearing and crudity.
I guess that's why not even 2 days ago we were reading about fisting and chocolate. 😉 And it doesn't matter that you didn't post that comment, Kris. You know, like attracts like… wait, does it mean that's the reason I'm here too? Damn. Shit. Ahhh well, you should have posted this not-quite-a-manifesto manifesto way before now *sigh*. Now it's too late for me.
*writes down ego = good*
Ingrid: “And btw Goodreads is usefull and fun!”
*rolls eyes* Whatever.
Sara: HA!!!! Yes, like attracts like.
“only in your dreams”
*pouts* Am so right.
Ok, next time for sure I will NOT be drinking and reading your blog at the same time. I just spewed coffee all over my ergonomic keyboard.
My Favs:
7. I totally object to swearing and crudity.
8. I make shit up.
Whoops. Err, sorry about your keyboard, Smoky (can I call you that??), but, in the interests of being professional and taken seriously, blah, blah, I figured I'd better advise people as to the hard facts… that this is a pretty fucking weird reader's blog and that you should not believe one word that comes out of my mouth. LOL.