Once upon a time, in a town on the edge of the ocean and in the middle of nowhere, a beautiful and totally awesome young woman went innocently to her letter box.
“Oh”, she said upon seeing an envelope prettily covered in kitty and puppy stickers. “I wonder what sweet member of my minions has sent me a love missive this time?”
Turning the envelope, she saw a name that struck fear into her pure heart.
“It cannot be…”
Preferring to think the best of people as was her wholesome wont, she determinedly shook her head, sending her long, piggy tails swinging. “I am sure that it is just someone’s idea of a joke, albeit a poor one.”
Back inside her quaint little house, she, wearing a mask and gloves, carefully slit open the now suspicious envelope.
Once she, with the assistance of her Google Fu, had determined that the white powder was nothing but harmless baby talc, she gently tipped the contents of the letter on to her plastic protected desk.
“Dear God.” Clutching a trembling hand to her throat. “It is her.”
“How could she have found me again so soon?! Unless… I should have known that, despite the heartfelt promises, she would be unable to resist a Thai dinner.”
Sighing, the beautiful and totally awesome young woman considered her options, including the one which would see her dispose of and assume the identity of one of her faithful followers.
Finally deciding that she quite enjoyed the life she had in a town on the edge of the ocean and in the middle of nowhere, even though the cost of books was appalling due to the Federal Government’s sell out to the corporate world as well as her nearly overwhelming need to visit and set to rights a certain bookshelf in the Netherlands, she placed one of the pictures of the visually impaired little girl on the wall in her office and murmured
“If you cannot beat them…”
And she lived somewhat happily ever after with the occasional nightmare.
Mmmm… Thai dinner… *burp*
Wow. The stalker becomes the stalkee.
WTF?!!? Lil CJ's package got to you before mine that I sent out 3 months ago.
Damn mo fo kangaroos and koala stealing basterds.
This is why I stalk your blog because I get pigtails, skipping and kitty stickers all in one post. Score.
Ditto what SmokinHot said! lol
I got stalked by Little CJ as well. My kids think they're “cute” and want to keep them for themselves. I've warned them but they just don't seem to get the terror it strikes in my heart.
Ha. Good one Jen.
Frightening indeed, but at least you get mail that isn't in the form of bills.
Thank goodness Little CJ doesn't know where I live.
You never know what you will encounter when you stop here…
even though the cost of books was appalling due to the Federal Government's sell out to the corporate world
and dispite the beautiful and totally awesome young woman horror – she is still sticking it to the man….
Ditto, the only thing in the mail today was my credit card statement.
Jen: Meanhead. Plus it's not as if Sean lets me stalk him properly. *poutmope*
Katiebabs chook: I know! It was the koalas. I'm sure of it. Their pure evil. You can see it in their eyes. *shudders*
KC: You make it sound as if I make this shit up. This is a true story. Believe me. I was there.
Tracy: Cute. The girls think they're cute?! Dear God. Who knows what they are doing to the girls' subconscious! You need to destroy the pictures before Little CJ scars them for life.
JenB: Run! Run while you still can…
Tam: “Frightening indeed, but at least you get mail that isn't in the form of bills.”
If you think the bills are more frightening than getting mail from Little CJ you are kidding yourself.
EH: “dispite the beautiful and totally awesome young woman horror – she is still sticking it to the man….”
Naturally. The beautiful young woman is totally awesome after all. 🙂
Ingrid: See my comment above to Tam. I was wishing for a bill after I got this…
Don't be too disheartened Sweetie, all is not lost, after all she did give you hugs and kisses.
What sort of word is 'besses'?
And look at how sweet those kittens and puppies are!
Mumma: “after all she did give you hugs and kisses”
I've heard rumours that that's actually the 1st sign that it's heading for a FUBAR. Not good. 😦
Besses?? It's besses that you don't try and comfort me on this issue. I'm done for.
Chris, don't even try to placate me, mate. You are numero uno on my shit list.
Oh yeh, sorry Chris I forgot about the pretty little stickers.
Now, 'dummit' is a cool word.
and a little stuffed Mho cries, lost in the outback, stolen by koalas. Poor missing SCK Mho 😦
LOL! What did you get in the mail? Wow! It looks like Little CJ really must want to be your friend!
You are lucky, because she is a very determined and enthusiastic friend. In fact, did I recently see her looking at a map of Australia? LOL. Love the story!!
No, you just stalk Sean improperly.
I'm still waiting for one lousy, freaking postcard from Jackass Flats, Anywhere.
*ignores Mumma's tendency to get distracted by stickers of kittens*
KBC: “Poor missing SCK Mho 😦 “
😦 They are pulling back the full scale search now. I'm determined to keep doing on my own though!
“In fact, did I recently see her looking at a map of Australia?”
Why do you hate me so??
KZ: “No, you just stalk Sean improperly.”
True. BTW, you guys sure do have weird town names in the US. Who do you know that lives there that is such a poor correspondent?
PS. My veri word is OUTHEAD. heh
Weird? What's wrong about Embarrass, Minnesota?
Bridget, what the hell is that s'posed to mean?!
Chris: *wonders where to start* Err. Nothing.
Wow. The stalker becomes the stalkee. Poetic justice.
…including the one which would see her dispose of and assume the identity of one of her faithful followers.
*trembles* *looks around carefully*
Should I be worried?
No. Absolutely not, Orannia. Seriously. Would I hurt you? *bats eyelashes*