I’ve got a bunch of semi-serious to almost-serious posts underway, but, well, I just can’t be arsed finishing any of them.
Instead, I’m going to share a couple of one-liners that made me guffaw.
I know!
I thought guffawing was an urban legend too!
Next I’ll be waking up in the front seat of my car with Bloody Mary in the back and one of my kidneys in her hand.
Great.
Now I’ll have to go hunting for ladybirds, knock up a tree and draw a wobbly circle of salt.
I hate doing that.
The ladybird thing, that is. Damn bugs scent fear and then go into hiding.
The heifers.
Enough of that, though. On to the one-liners!
“He wondered for a moment if jeans had been the best option to wear, then gave himself a mental eye roll. It wasn’t as if he had a section of his closet specifically for scared-shitless situations.” Mind Magic by Poppy Dennison.
I’ll definitely be stealing this one. I can think of a number of occasions when this line will come in handy. Of course, I’ll be substituting ‘scared-shitless’ for ‘looking like I give a fuck’.
Obviously.
“He tapped the screen and sank back against the head of the bed with a groan. Josh would make him suffer for it. At five foot four, Josh paired a Napoleon complex with hardcore sadism. If anything, that had gotten even worse after his sex change.” Country Mouse by Amy Lane and Aleksandr Voinov.
The guffaw.
Not a gigglesnort. Rather an out-loud, that-was-fucking-funny-but-quite-possibly-crudely-unPC-but-who-gives-a-toss HA! I love reading moments like this. ❤
Are you a fan of the one-liner? If so, what’s had you almost peeing in laughter recently?
PS – And, no, I’ve no idea what’s with all the hyphenation in this post either.
PSS – I, naturally, looked it up to see if it might be a phobia I could add to my list. Unfortunately not.
PPS – However, it did say ‘hyphenate’ could be used as an informal noun to refer to a ‘person working or excelling at more than one craft or occupation’.
PPSS – That-says-it-all-really.
Kris + Books = Good. *Sometimes*. 
I always think “Oh, that was really funny” then … phhhhttttt Gone.
Well, they say the memory is the first thing to go. After your boobs, that is. And that wobbly bit under your arm.
God, this is getting depressing.
You still notice, though, right? I think I’ve been in the same room with you when you’ve snorted at something and then read it out to everyone. 🙂
Heh, I still remember a quote you put in your review of Whitetail Rock. 🙂
Oh yeah, once in a while it sticks. That was funny.
Can someone provide linkity? I’m too lazy too try and find it. Hey, it’s Monday morning here. Stop judging.
Here you go. http://wp.me/p29h3V-GW
There was another great one about romance novels.
Nik put his hands on Sam’s shoulders, looking into his eyes, making sure he had his full attention. “Sam. I’ve got news for you. Not every childhood trauma can be healed by finding the right penis.”
Sam looked devastated. He opened and closed his mouth, eyes wide, then suddenly slumped back against the railing, unable to support himself anymore. “You mean,” his voice was barely a whisper. “All those romance novels lied?”
*theguffaw*
I remember that one. It was heelairyarse.
Maybe we should start using ‘Of *course*, it’s true. I read it in a romance novel once.’ I think I might write a topic on that one next. LOL
And, no, I’ve no idea what’s with all the hyphenation in this post either.
I hadn’t noticed all the hypernation, but I had noticed all the postscripts 🙂
TBH I can read some great lines and then, like Tam, I promptly forget them. I need a permanent post-it note stash *grin*
Yeah, but I always have heaps of PS’. That’s not unusual unusual. The hyphenation on the other hand is unusual unusual.
Memory prompts are why God invented post-its; however, they’re not the reason why a stash is needed. There’s never a reason needed when it comes to post-it stashes. The end.
Hi ya Hunny
No one liners that I can think of at present. 😦 but can you help me with something. I lost my ollie and Christian link when I changed computers and I can’t find it. Can you remember the linkity link you sent me last heat?
Cheers darlin’
Tish
Ps- you’re a woman, you’re suppose to be able to do more than one thing at a time….. It’s so you can shower and yell at kids at the same time :-). Bloody ankle biters!
Last heat? Meant to say last year 🙂
Do you mean this one, Tish?? http://www.youtube.com/user/ichglotzutube
I just re-read “Galen and the forest lord” and there were quite a few moments throughout which made me guffaw (silently, in my head because my husband hates it when I snort out loud in bed). If you want more specific than that, you’re shit outta luck.
I can safely say, Nic, that I’ve no wish for you to be more specific about why your hubby doesn’t like you snorting in bed.
Lol. Liar. 😉
True. We’ll talk about it offline.
No doubt, it will be the shortest conversation ever.
I try to save those one liners in my comments on GRs as I read.
From The Night Shift by Missouri Dalton:
“After confession – which was admittedly edited for content – I felt somewhat better. At least I was theoretically absolved of some of my sins.”
“The driving skills of Detective Jack Winchester have never been in contention. It is the manner in which he applies those skills I find disturbing.”
From Shift (Infected #5) by Andrea Speed:
“They don’t know why I am the way I am. Maybe I was exposed to gamma radiation or hummus in the womb, and that made all the difference.”
From Freefall (Infected #4) by Andrea Speed:
“’I learned that on a Simpsons episode.’
“‘The scary thing is, all known wisdom has been in a Simpsons episode, but because it’s a cartoon, nobody’s paid it any attention.’”
I try to save those one liners in my comments on GRs as I read.
I knew someone else would, Chris! Although I’m
too lazynot organised enough to record them on GR.Those quotes are definitely snort-worthy. Thanks for sharing them. Would it surprise you to hear my baby brother has said something similar about confession? Maybe he saw it in a Simpson’s episode. LOL
PS – I always had a feeling hummus would probably do that. 😛
Strangely, that doesn’t surprise me about your brother. 🙂
Didn’t think it would. 😛
If I don’t tweet or write down the one-liners immediately, I completely forget about them. I do, however, snort out loud at funny parts when reading. Of course, lots of times I’m the only person who finds it amusing. The cat just looks at me like I’m nuts.
That’s one of the benefits of being Cray-cray. The boy cats are so used to me doing weird-arse things they just open one eye to see if it’s anything serious and then go back to sleep. It brings a tear to my eye how much they care about me. It truly does.