self-diagnosis = toy poodle flu

It is true. I have caught this horrendous strain of the flu for which the main symptom is having the attention span of a toy poodle.

In the past, the toy poodle flu has been confused with the ‘mehs’ or as it is also referred to as ‘sheer and utter fucking boredom’.

Apparently the two are similar viruses and quite often a patient whilst suffering from one can fall victim to the other.

After some searching on the internet, I discovered a simple test which had been developed to assist people with self-diagnosis. There were only a few questions and they were as follows:

1. While searching for information about the toy poodle flu, did you get distracted and start searching for images of:
a) hawt menz
b) lol cats
c) both
d) no… then you do not have this flu, you hypochondriac. Get back to work!

2. If you had to describe how you are feeling at the moment it would be:
a) unmotivated
b) bored shitless
c) having a bad case of the whatevers
d) pretty good… there’s nothing wrong with you that a swift kick up the arse wouldn’t fix.

3. If you have been procrastinating, what sort of things have you been doing:
a) annoying people until they come and play with you
b) distracting other people with your silliness
c) giggling to yourself about the funny things you and your imaginary friends could do next
d) none of these things… for fuck’s sake just give. it. up.

4. Keeping in mind that you actually wasted time decided to take this test, if you answered a), b) or c) to the above questions and you have also been bitching to others (ie virtual friends and Mummas) about how you are feeling then get off your arse and do something about it, you lazy bitch!

Needless to say it was pretty obvious to me that I had succumbed to the dreaded toy poodle flu and I likely have a secondary infection of the mehs.

About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
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10 Responses to self-diagnosis = toy poodle flu

  1. Lily says:


    OMG, I think I have a terminal case of the toy poodle flu. I answered c,c,c with a bit of a and b thrown in.

    I tried to follow your advice to get up off my ass but I couldn’t get my lazy bitch self off the damned computer. I need help!!!!!!!!

    Or I just need to stay in front of my computer and not worry about. Meh, I think that’s what I’ll do.

    Lily aka lazy bitch wannabe book slut 🙂

  2. Kris says:

    Lily, my poor, poor girl,

    You’re done for.

    Kris aka the chick who continues to be a lazy bitch by sitting in front of her computer and making shit up to amuse the virutals 🙂

  3. orannia says:


    I’m seriously concerned. The toy poddle flu? I have heard that photos of hot menz and LOL cats has been know to help…if you needed an excuse that is 🙂

  4. Kris says:

    Oh, thank the Gods! How funny that I was already self-medicating.

    Thanks Orannia… and for the hug. 😉

  5. Tam says:

    Crap. Another victim here. Hey, I did drag myself off the couch/computer last night to make myself eggs and toast for dinner. But I got it baaaad.

    Is there a cure or is it better to wallow until it passes. Wallowing sounds REALLY appealing right now, although does make me think of water buffalos. See, distracted already. Sigh.

  6. Jenre says:

    Is one of the symptoms being addicted to Twitter? Or even being unable to drag yourself away from the laptop so that your hub has to use emotional blackmail in order to spend time with him?

    Am bad wife.

  7. Kris says:

    I second Tam’s motion that the wallow be allowed. All those in favour??

  8. Kris says:

    Jen, does hub need to go back to the naughty chair??

    I get “why don’t you come and speak to REAL people for a change, Kris” from my baby brother when he visits. He comes by his talent for emotional blackmail from the Mum-… umm, honestly.

  9. Tracy says:

    Honey I’ve had the Toy Poodle Flu for years. No cure. Welcome to the club. 🙂

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