It is true. I have caught this horrendous strain of the flu for which the main symptom is having the attention span of a toy poodle.
In the past, the toy poodle flu has been confused with the ‘mehs’ or as it is also referred to as ‘sheer and utter fucking boredom’.
Apparently the two are similar viruses and quite often a patient whilst suffering from one can fall victim to the other.
After some searching on the internet, I discovered a simple test which had been developed to assist people with self-diagnosis. There were only a few questions and they were as follows:
1. While searching for information about the toy poodle flu, did you get distracted and start searching for images of:
a) hawt menz
b) lol cats
d) no… then you do not have this flu, you hypochondriac. Get back to work!
2. If you had to describe how you are feeling at the moment it would be:
b) bored shitless
c) having a bad case of the whatevers
d) pretty good… there’s nothing wrong with you that a swift kick up the arse wouldn’t fix.
3. If you have been procrastinating, what sort of things have you been doing:
a) annoying people until they come and play with you
b) distracting other people with your silliness
c) giggling to yourself about the funny things you and your imaginary friends could do next
d) none of these things… for fuck’s sake just give. it. up.
4. Keeping in mind that you actually
wasted time decided to take this test, if you answered a), b) or c) to the above questions and you have also been bitching to others (ie virtual friends and Mummas) about how you are feeling then get off your arse and do something about it, you lazy bitch!
Needless to say it was pretty obvious to me that I had succumbed to the dreaded toy poodle flu and I likely have a secondary infection of the mehs.