maybe it’s me, but…

You are warned. This is totally about me.

I have the above sitting in my tbr and it’s been there for over a week now. This is pretty strange since (a) I really like this series and (b) I know this book will be bloody good cos Katiebabs chook and Book Pimp Ana told me it was.

So I said to myself: Self, what’s going on with your random brain now?

Myself said: I don’t wanna read it.

I said: Have you totally lost the plot, Self? You like this author!

Myself said: Well, that last book freaked me out, I!

I said: WTF?!

Myself said: Remember the spiders!

I: *shudders*

Myself: Yeah. *gagging* Squicky.

See, I hate spiders. I seriously hate them. If I didn’t want to add yet another disorder to my list, I would say I am arachnophobic.

My skin crawled the entire time I was reading Demon Bound and I kept on seeing little, hairy legs out of the corner of my eye. *shivers up spine* Okay, yuck. I seriously need to stop talking about it.

Basically, I’m wimping out. Yeah, that’s right. Tough-as-nails Kris is hesitating to read Demon Forged because she’s scared shitless and needs to be reassured – to the gazillionth degree – that this story is spider free.

This also made me wonder how – I might need to make that ‘if’ because, let’s face it, it might only be my mind that works in this way – others with phobias have felt when they have come across the subject of their fear, etc in fiction.

For example, if you’re claustrophobic and you come across a sex scene in an elevator, does your love of smut far out weigh your levels of freakoutiness?

Oh, and I’m thinking of starting a campaign to get publishers to put warning labels on books, but in a positive way so it’s not all skull and cross bones with big red ‘x’es and stuff.

This is the kind of thing I mean:

Pretty good, right?

About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
This entry was posted in extra further randomness, katiebabs chook, maybe it's me but, Meljean Brook, scary, The Book Smugglers. Bookmark the permalink.

67 Responses to maybe it’s me, but…

  1. Ah Kris chook, no spiders were harmed in he writing of this book.

    Psst, hawt sex scene with statues are used. For that alone you must read this.

    I will hold your hand from the big scary spiders. Also Jake is a cutey in this one.

  2. Alice's spider does make a (very) brief appearance … but Irena is as freaked out by them as much as you are. 🙂

  3. Tam says:

    For me it's snakes. I just read Damn Gorgeous. I liked the characters, I liked the idea but I'm telling you if I looked up during sex and suddenly the guys head was a writhing mass of snakes (gorgon) his dick would probably rip off I'd have him shoved off me so fast. Gives me the willies just thinking about it. How could he let them touch him. Great, now I've got goosebumps on my arms and the shudders, literally.

    I used to have it BAD, I couldn't even look at a picture of a snake in a book, then when I had my daugther I swore I wouldn't pass on the phobia. Where did she have her 6th birthday? At the reptile zoo wrapped in a 12 foot python. Sigh. I have touched snakes on her behalf and I've learned to gird my loins so to speak and not completely freak when I see one (and the skin does feel nice and would make a lovely purse) but I am quite content to never see another snake in the wild for the rest of my days, no matter how small and insignificant.

    My other snake story: we are camping and a frog comes barrelling into our campsite. (I'm also not a frog fan.) And right behind it is a 3 foot snake looking for dinner. The frog is tired and I think resigned to death. Where am I? Up on the picnic table while my child runs over, grabs the frog and starts running around in a circle while I yell at her to take it across the road and let it free. Meanwhile I swear I could see a puzzled look on that snake's face because it KNEW it had smelled frog and where the hell had it gone? *shudder* Thankfully he went away and I never saw him again.

    Yep, snakes. I'm not lovin' spiders or any insect or reptile or amphibian (goooo mammals!) but snakes are the worst.

  4. Jenre says:

    With me it's things crawling on me. I can look at creepy crawlies and even stand close to them without getting creeped out but I can't stand things crawling on my skin.


  5. K. Z. Snow says:

    See? If you can't trust the author, whom can you trust? (Don't answer that.)

    I don't know if you get the Sy Fy series “Ghost Hunters” in Oz, but a member of the team is as bad as you when it comes to spiders. Big tattooed mofo has no trouble skulking around uber-creepy places and confronting apparitions and disembodied voices, but if he sees a spider, he flees like a little girl.

    So, you're not alone. (I feel that way about flying. In an airplane, I mean. Insects and arachnids have never bothered me.)

  6. K. Z. Snow says:

    Jen, guess you're not a good candidate for rimming then, huh? 😀

  7. I hate slugs!! I see those things and want to pour salt all over them.

    I am a cruel slug biotch.

  8. Jenre says:

    KZ: I said things, not people!

    Actually, I meant insects. I don't mind people or larger animals, just things with tiny legs.

    I'm grossing myself out now!

  9. K. Z. Snow says:

    Oh, slugs! And leeches! I agree — ugh!

    Jen, then how would you feel about a really goodlooking but really tiny man?

  10. Jenre says:

    Have we moved into fairy tale territory here, like Tom Thumb?

    Or perhaps I could move to Lilliput and see how freaked out I am :p.

  11. Kris says:

    Katiebabs chooks: *grabs hand* You promise?? Cos I have to say I'm intrigued by the potential of life-sized dildo devices.

    Meljean: You're not just placating the weirdo are you cos that could be really bad… mostly for me.

    Also, I don't s'pose you have a page number for that very brief appearance. Loins need to be girded here.

    Also 2, by 'very brief' do you mean a para, a page, etc? I need to know for the purposes of alcohol consumption.

    Also 3, I'm not usually this mental. Okay, I'm not usually obviously so mental.

    Also 4, actually that's a big fat lie. I'm pretty much mental all the time so I really appreciate the placating thing.

    Tam: *Whoops.* You know that the person who might have lent you that book had absolutely no idea that you were scared of snakes beforehand, right? Cos that person loves you very much and would have never, ever considered giving you anything that would deliberately freak you out. That was just an honest to God mistake so you're still friends with that person, aren't you? Tam???

  12. Ingrid says:

    I am not too fond of spiders either. Luckily I haven't read many books with spiders.
    I always fast forward the scene in Lord of the Rings with Shelob

  13. Kris says:

    Jen: Yuck. I hate that creepy crawly sensation. That's what I get whenever the 's' subject comes up.

    BTW, I'm pretty sure that even sexy male Lilliputians would fall into this category for me.

    KZ: *Hell yes I'm answering that.* I think some authors are automatically more trustworthy than others. Not mentioning any names or anything.

    We do have Ghost Hunters here on pay tv, but the glowing eyes thing disturbs me even more than the spook ghost stuff so I've never watched it.

    And I'm blaming you for the very, very, VERY disturbing image of title little men going in, err, interesting places that I just got.

    KBC, should we be calling you slugger from now on?? 😉

  14. Kris says:

    Ingrid: God, yes! I've read a couple of fantasies over the years which have featured spiders and they have all squicked me to various degrees.

    Probably the only ones that I kind of grew a fondness for were those in Anne Bishop's The Black Jewels trilogy.

  15. Kris says:

    LMAO!!! One wonders exactly who that butt plug was made for.

  16. Wow he sure is a big fellow.

  17. Ingrid says:

    Lol, actually it is a santa claus. But it does not look that way. A city council bought it and it is actually standing in a square.

    You made me think of it by mentioning lilliputs and small things

  18. Page 296 – 297. It's a short scene which mostly consists of Irena going to Alice's apartment, Nefertari running out into the courtyard, and Irena wishing she could climb the tree to get away from the spider but unwilling to look like a weenie.

    Then Jake electrocutes Irena, and Nefertari isn't really mentioned again.

    There are also offhand references to the giant ones in Hell, but we don't see any in this book.

  19. Kris says:

    Santa has a butt plug?? Obviously someone has been very, very good.

  20. Kris says:

    Meljean, thank you! You are a lifesaver!

    “There are also offhand references to the giant ones in Hell, but we don't see any in this book.'

    Phew. Although the implication that we may see big, hell spiders in the future has me peeing my pants a little. Denial is my friend however, and hell spiders can be dealt with at a (much) later date. 🙂

  21. K. Z. Snow says:

    Have we moved into fairy tale territory here, like Tom Thumb?

    Jen, I think it's fairly obvious from my comments on your blog that once my imagination's been unleashed, there's no reining it in.

    Meljean, WTF? Are you dishing up spoilers for your own book?

    Kris, I'll be watching “Ghost Hunters” this evening and thinking of you. And wondering where/when/how you saw glowing green eyes. (?) Maybe spiders make you hallucinate.

    And, FYI, of course Santa has a butt plug. Why do you think his cheeks are always red and he keeps laughing in that lunatic way? If you had to have your ass toted around the globe by reindeer and make 8,523,234,790 stops along the way, wouldn't you want something to keep you jolly?

    I feel for the guy. I do.

  22. K.Z. — only because I'm hoping that the WTF of electrocuting Irena will help Kris get over her reluctance to start it 😀

  23. Kris says:

    So, Meljean, I'm being teased into wanting to find out why Irena gets electrocuted.
    Oh, you're good.

  24. K. Z. Snow says:

    Ah, clever ploy. 😉

  25. Kris says:

    KZ, they do so have friggin glowy green eyes!

    When the camera films in the dark they all look as though they grew up near a nuclear power plant. How can you not have noticed that?! Are you sure that piece of wood fell on your foot and not on your head??

    Plus, no way Santa could last that long wearing a butt plug with bumpy sleigh landings, going up and down chimneys and such. Jolly would disappear in the face of serious chaffing.

  26. Tam says:

    Course I love ya. If he hadn't had a snakey head the book would have gotten a higher rating on GR. LOL I read it and it didn't freak me out but I was shaking my head and thinking “no fucking way, I don't care how hot he is”.

    I know size isn't everything but I seriously doubt a Lillipution could really satisfy me and I'm not that fussy. 🙂

  27. Tam says:

    That's quite the statue Ingrid. You Dutch. *shakes head*

  28. Tam says:

    Totally random comment but Beyonce has a song (playing in my house right now) with the line (repeated ad nauseum) “A diva is female version of a hustler.”

    I know she's rich and all but seriously girl, do you have no freaking clue what a hustler is? It ain't the male version of a diva. The song should be “A whore is a female version of a hustler.”

  29. Kris says:

    Hun, and I can't believe I'm saying this, not everything revolves around m/m.

    Even this Aussie knows that a hustler means something totally different in da hood *did I get that idiom right?*. Have you never seen the movie 'Hustle & Flow'??

  30. Tam says:

    I hate Beyonce. No, I've never seen it. Maybe the Australian hood is different. The only one we have come on a parka and is good to -30 with a wind chill.

  31. Kris says:

    *sigh* In da US hood, Tam.

    Anyways, Oz doesn't have hoods or ghettos. It has socio-economic priority areas.

  32. lisabea says:

    Do Not Read Lisa Gardner's Say Goodbye

    No no no no no no no.

    I am terrified of any rabies vector specie: bats, raccoons, skunks, stray dogs, stray cats, coyotes, and wild children.


  33. Kris says:

    *taking notes* Thanks for the warning, LB.

    If you were living in Oz and visiting Asia regularly you would be adding monkeys to your list. The horror stories I could tell you about people visiting Bali. Eeek!

    You guys really have wild children over there? I thought that was an urban myth.

  34. K. Z. Snow says:

    Plus, no way Santa could last that long wearing a butt plug with bumpy sleigh landings, going up and down chimneys and such.

    *wagging head in despair*

    Grasshopper, that's what makes it fun! Hell, Mrs. C. won't rim or diddle him (see Jen's blog post for the reason), so he has to get his jolly on somehow. Damn. His enlarged prostate begs for it.

  35. K. Z. Snow says:

    “…you would be adding monkeys to your list.

    Ack, I so agree! Can't stand monkeys — and I'm an animal lover! They're really volatile and often vicious creatures (I was once bitten by one). I think of them as a primitive distillation of human nastiness.

  36. Kris says:

    KZ: So, what you're saying is what we thought was 'ho ho ho' is actually 'oh Oh OOOH'.

  37. Tam says:

    I love monkeys, but then I live in the near arctic so have no actual experience with them. Anyone remember BJ and the Bear? Who didn't want to get funky in that truck with him and the monkey. Okay, maybe not with the monkey but I wanted to cuddle it after. Oh wait, that's an ape. Shit. Okay, I still think spider monkeys are cute as a button.

  38. Kris says:

    And so we come the full circle with Tam bringing up the 's' word again.

    That, my friends, is the circle which moves us all. The Circle of Life.

  39. JenB says:

    I love spiders *and* snakes. In fact, one of my favorite pets was my tarantula. I also used to breed snakes.

    I should dig up some pictures… BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

    *runs off to buy Meljean's spider book*

  40. Kris says:

    *trout stare*

    Don't. Even. Think. About. It.

  41. JenB says:



    You take all the fun out of everything. 😛

  42. Kris says:

    I can be fun.

    I was really fun the other day when we were talking about anal sex, wasn't I. *hehehe*

  43. Tam says:

    Oh crap, sorry, I didn't even notice. Ummm. I think golden lion tamarinds are cute as a button. Better?

  44. Kris says:

    Hmpf. Slightly.

  45. Sean Kennedy says:

    Tam, it's snakes for me as well. I have to watch the end of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets through my fingers, even though I know it's CGI and not real.

    But my trigger is MRIs. Any time they show someone having an MRI on telly, or even if it happens in a book, bad flashbacks.

  46. Kris says:

    Considering what you've gone through, hun, I don't blame you.

    My medical thing is internal ultrasound not-fun dildos. I hate those fuckers. I cringe every single time in het erotica when a dildo is in use. I can't help it.

    Hmmm, maybe that's why I read more m/m these days.

  47. Kris says:

    Was that TMI??

  48. Kris says:

    It was TMI, wasn't it.

    Err, sorry???

  49. Sean Kennedy says:

    No such thing as TMI!

    And yikes, no, I can see why.

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