maybe it’s me, but… (nsfspyingweyes)

I love my new photoshop software. *beams*

… I’ve been wondering… do gay guys really carry around their test results with them for those just-in-case-they-hook-up moments?

Not that I think there’s anything wrong with that because it’s the safe thing to do, but I’m curious as to how true it is. Can anyone shed any light?

And is this something het people do now? I admit it’s been a gazillion years since I’ve been out trawling so I’ve absolutely no idea and I certainly haven’t read about it in any m/f romance and erotica.

Or do most guys assume girls won’t swallow? That is, they think there’s no need to carry around ‘I’m clean and, more importantly, taste like strawberries’ type proof.


I reckon it’s probably the latter.

About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
This entry was posted in m/f, m/m, maybe it's me but, tropes. Bookmark the permalink.

36 Responses to maybe it’s me, but… (nsfspyingweyes)

  1. Tam says:

    I wondered that too. I can understand if it's at your place, you probably have it up on your bedroom door (right Josh? = my Josh not JL). But at the bar? I somehow doubt it.

    Even if you don't swallow, unless you pull back it's still in your mouth, so say you ate too much pineapple at the luau and had a canker sore as a result, you could still “catch” something in theory (although I understand the risk is very low).

    Further rambling – Why is it always assumed girls don't swallow? Cause it's not our liquid? To be honest I'd rather swallow than hold it in my mouth where it swishes around the billion taste buds on my tongue. Ewww. But that's just me.

  2. Natasha says:

    I have to admit… the thought of having to carry around test result is not something I've thought about. I mean if you use a condom CORRECTLY then whats the problem.(you should hear some of the stories my sister the nurse has told me about what some people actually do with a condom….. I still advocate the drowning at birth of some people) I have been tested once. In the UK you have to be tested for everything even if you tell them… (when you're pregnant) 'I've had two other kids and have been married for a gazillion years' they still think either you or your partner must have cheated and or had unprotected sex at some stage. Well they're half right… I mean to get pregnant you have to have unprotected sex right? LOL!

  3. I really have not a thing to say about test resluts…

    But geez Kris, I stared at that photo for like 3 minutes before I figured it all out! You are going to be a dangerouse artiste with that photoshopping stuff, huh?

  4. Ingrid says:

    I have no clue Kris. But swallowing is certainly less messy.

  5. orannia says:

    Wren – me too! I was staring at the photo for a good few minutes wondering WTF has Kris been smoking/drinking now? Apologies Kris – I mean absolutely no disrespect!

    As for the test results, maybe it's me but carrying them around seems rather…presumptuous. But then again, what would I know 🙂 And doesn't it depend how old said test results are?

  6. Kris only you can make me ponder inappropriate subject matters while at work…

    I was indeed sad to learn the pic was photoshopped

  7. Orannia – glad I wasn't the only one. Kris is really a singular brand of WTF-ery!

  8. Kris says:

    Tam, *looks around* why are you speaking to Josh? Is he here or sumpin'.

    I'm glad that I'm not the only one's who's wondered about this. I like your idea about having it hanging in your bedroom somewhere. At least, that would mean the guys actually get to the bed as opposed to the closed front door, hallway, couch, etc.

    “Why is it always assumed girls don't swallow?”

    Buggered if I know.

    Tish, “I still advocate the drowning at birth of some people”

    Hell yes. I have a list in case it's passed retrospectively. 🙂

    You gotta tell us a condom story now. I'm super curious.

    Wren: “Kris is really a singular brand of WTF-ery!”

    What the hell is that meant to mean?!

  9. K. Z. Snow says:

    Down the hatch, I say!

    Tam, you cracked me up…as usual.

    Beats me what documentation gay men carry around. I'm lucky to remember my driver's license.

    That x-ray photo is tres bizarre. Skull needs to learn how to deep throat, though.

    Now, back to my hibernation burrow.

  10. Kris says:

    Ingrid, that's it, I'm asking Tam to email her posse and them. I srsly need to know now.

    Orannia: “Apologies Kris – I mean absolutely no disrespect!”

    Sure, you don't. *mutter, mutter*

    I guess it's not presumptuous if you're out for a fuck. 😉 Good question re: the date of the test results. I guess there's a certain level of trust involved that any other partner that the person may or may not have had since the test was done was clean also. But then again, what would I know. 😉

  11. Kris says:

    KC, I just like to add a little brightness to your work day.

    BTW, I only added the border and the words to the image. The pic itself is real as far as I'm aware. LOL.

    KZ: “Down the hatch, I say!” I now have an image of cum shots all lined along a bar in my head. Loverley.

    I have seen an xray of a deep throat, but I asked nurse kitteh if it was real. She said no. Needless to say that I was pretty disappointed. 😦

  12. Tam says:

    I doubt Josh is here. He's far too into monogamy and being in lurve to hang out with pervs like us.

    I will ask my friend who “gets around”. He'll know what the standard operating procedure for these things are. I have to confess that most of the guys I know are pretty straight arrows who don't go out trolling so I doubt they would carry it with him.

  13. Is that the standard? Cos non of my gay friends carry around test results… as far as I'm aware of that is… since there's no need for them to flash them to me really…
    *murmers* so, I actually don't know anything about it…

  14. Kris says:

    Tam, ok, you go ask your slutty friend and then let us know. 🙂

    Janna, lol, true they wouldn't exactly show you would they. *g*

    You need to contact your friends and ask them too. We need to get as much data as possible for comparative purposes. Maybe it's a US-centric thing?? Who knows.

  15. Chris says:

    This totally sounds like one of those questions Wave should get someone to talk about, since it's virtually a trope of m/m.

  16. Maybe if I loose the boobies they would, LOL. Or I could ask hubby to flirt around a little.

    Nah, I better just ask them 😉 but it'll have to wait til tomorrow cause they're either sleeping or doing the nasty in Dark Rooms around the city at this hour of the night…

  17. Kris says:

    Chris, yep, you read about it frequently in m/m. Problem is if I suggest it to Wave she might make me do the post… You ask her since it was your idea. Yeah, that sounds good to me. 🙂

    Janna, well, cutting your boobs off does seem a little extreme I grant you, but I think sacrificing your hubby sounds like a great idea. 😉

    Definitely ask and report back. Tell them the info is for a very important survey.

  18. Tam says:

    Okay, I heard back from my friend. He said he has never carried a paper with him nor has he met anyone who has. (We are talking someone who is …. open about his sexuality shall we say?) He said he has had guys ask him kind of at the last minute but as he said, if you are NOT clean and are willing to have sex without a condom and your pants are around your knees are you seriously going to fess up to herpes or HIV and risk it all stopping? Not likely. So he said as a general rule the gay guys he knows (and he's known many) do NOT carry around test results on the odd chance they get lucky.

    Also, if you do carry them, even if you've had sex once since (even with condoms) the results could be null and void and if you have been celibate since your last test (as is so often the case in books) you are likely not carrying it around since you're not the type to hook up out of the blue.

    I made the promise we shall mock all authors who do this in future. Let that be fair warning.

  19. Kris says:

    Chris, like I'm surprised.

    Tam, ha!! I was beginning to suspect as much. How the hell did it become so prevalent in m/m then? Did someone do it once and then all of a sudden a couple of other authors decided it was a good idea??

    Let the mocking commence!

  20. Matthew says:

    Huh? The idea of test results always at hand is… just an idea. Guys carry everything in their pockets so after a few days the paper would be ruined.

  21. Kris says:

    Matthew, you know you can say 'fucking bullshit' here, right. 🙂

    We had exactly the same thoughts about the auto-destruct test results. In fact, I've got a post all prepared on the subject. We must be psychically linked at the moment. LOL.

  22. JenB says:

    Dude. I don't know a man who could even hang on to a dinner receipt for more than a day. Test results? Bullshit.

    Although…I dunno…maybe he'd be willing to put forth a little effort if it'll help him get laid?

    *snort* Right. Still talking about men here. Still calling bullshit.

  23. K. Z. Snow says:

    I'm guessing it's prevalent (just taking your word on this — my dumb ass) because there's been so much caterwauling about safe sex in erotic romance fiction. Some authors might just be trying a little too hard to reassure readers.

  24. K. Z. Snow says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  25. Kris says:

    Jen, good point. Remember this when you're editing will ya cos otherwise we'll not only be mocking the author but you too for allowing it to slip through. Fair waning.

    KZ: Are you saying that your a dumb arse for believing me?! FYI, this is not some shit I made up or did you miss Tam saying that she'd wondered about it too?? Oh, ye of little faith.


  26. Lily says:

    Kris, you truly haz skillz!!! Love the pic.

    Do you think they carry it wrapped around the just in case lube packet and condom or is it tucked in their wallet behind their ID? LOL, I really can't imagine someone carrying around test results on the off chance that they are going to get lucky.

  27. K. Z. Snow says:

    Book's up at LI. Now leave me alone.

  28. Kris says:

    Lily, thanks! My photoshop software is my new bff. *beams*

    “Do you think they carry it wrapped around the just in case lube packet and condom or is it tucked in their wallet behind their ID?”

    I think some authors would have us believe it so. Apparently pockets are just the same as handbags, etc. LOL.

    KZ: *muttergrumpyheadmutter*

  29. Okay, that was awkward: I just asked one of my friends and he went all O_o on me at the mentioning of the word ‘swallow’! It probably was too early in the morning for that… I guess it was my good-girl image I didn’t know I had that I saw flying out off the window there! 🙂

    After I dropped the ‘very important survey’ line he hesitantly opened up a little and told me the same thing Tam’s friend told her!
    So, let the mocking begin… but… uh… shouldn’t we then as well mock the other not too lifelike things that happen in stories, like the coming two or more times in a row without the least bit of recovery time?? Or is it just my hubby who can’t perform like that?! And before you ask, I’m not gonna ask my gay friends again… 😉

  30. Tam says:

    Oh Janna, we do mock that. I swear Sean Michael's characters need to be in part of some scientific study because the amount of ejaculate they can produce in a 2 hour period is phenomenal. It ain't natural.

    It should be something lie “twu wuv and the impact it has on male physiology”

  31. Oh dear.
    Wren: “Kris is really a singular brand of WTF-ery!”
    Kris: What the hell is that meant to mean?!


    I meant it in a good way. Referring in particular to your fascinating features on firsts and fetishes. How about we call it “Wow, That's Fabulous!” WTF, see?

  32. Kris says:

    Janna, LMAO! Thanks for taking one for the team.

    So you friend agrees too. WTF!

    Oh, and as Tam said, we take the piss out of other tropes all of the time, especially those stories in which dehydration is just a thing of fantasy. 🙂

    Tam: 'twu wuv = a neverending orgasm of cum'.

    Wren: Hmpf!

  33. I'm clearly the new kid on the block here, but good that you do already mock the other tropes as well!
    I must admit that a story doesn't have to be too lifelike for me either… there are certain things I don't need to read about 😉 Let's keep it sexy (can't imagine dehydration is, is it?)!

  34. Um… yeah. Nice picture.

  35. Kris says:

    Janna: “there are certain things I don't need to read about”

    Hmmm, I'm not sure we should get you to read any yaoi then. Just a little warning fyi. 😉

    Katiebabs chooks: Isn't it though. *beams*

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