dear publisher


Dear Publisher


I believe our relationship has always been a mutually beneficial one in which you provide the books and I read them. However, and I mean this with the utmost respect, you have recently become a severe disappointment to me.

Why? For not ensuring that the photographers who work on your book covers take better records of the models they use.

It is because of this fact alone that my minions (ie candidate for the coveted Minion of the Year award and her esteemed ally) have been unable to complete the following task:


You have completely failed in your duties for facilitating stalkage and I insist that a thorough investigation be undertaken by you in order for more desirable cookie record keeping practices to be implemented.

You should also consider printing the names and contact details of models on the publication page in books for ease of reference and preparing a ‘to do’ list of tasks to be completed by photographers.

The former would include such items as the photographer actually fucking writing down the name of the model as well as making them take nekkid pictures of the pretties for future reference; for example, either (a) uploading the images to an anonymous pron site or (b) selling them to like-minded perves.

I look forward to receiving your response to my suggestions and, obviously, your humble apologies.

Yours sincerely,

An awesome leader who acknowledges where the true blame lies,

Kris of Kris ‘n’ Good Books.
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About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
This entry was posted in book covers, dear publisher, kate perry, publishers, tracy. Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to dear publisher

  1. Tam says:

    I'm all for putting the name and contact info in the book. Mind you, then we wouldn't have great names like “Black Jacket Guy” “Candy Cane Man” and “Crick in the Neck Guy” as coined by Chris.

    Do you know who did the cover for this book? Maybe you need to stalk the cover artist?

  2. SCK: I found him and he's tied up in my closet. We'll talk.

  3. K. Z. Snow says:

    Looks like somebody's OCD is acting up again.

  4. Kris says:

    Tam, Kate's hunting revealled that the photographer for the cover art did not take down the name of the model that the agency sent so there is no joy from that end at all.

    At one stage, there was some hope that the model's name was 'Dude'; however, that was short lived.

  5. Kris says:

    Katiebabs chook: Just tell me his friggin' name!!! That's all I want to know!

    KZ: I. Don't. Know. What. You. Mean. *hmpfmope*

  6. Tracy says:

    Well if the photographer DID take down his name he was just playing dumb. As Kate said – what did the photographer call him “dude” the whole time he was taking his picture? lol

    Kate thought his name was probably Pat or something like that but named him Cory. I thought he looked more like a Trent.

    And Kris – what do you mean I'm a CANDIDATE? I should win the friggin award hands down, right? Right?

  7. JenB says:

    I'm almost afraid to comment on this post for fear of legal investigation.

    O_O

  8. Kris says:

    Tracy, well, you would probably get the annual award for 'Best Effort' as well as 'Best Winning The Author Over to The Cause', but 'Minion of the Year'?? We'll see.

    BTW, I still think he looks like a Declan… or maybe a Gideon.

    JenB: Technically I think we would need a stalkee to be the subject of legal action.

    Or can you get done in the US for 'running-around-in-circles-with-the-intent-to-stalk'?

    If so, I'm fucked and you should delete all your comments now.

  9. Chris says:

    LOL, Tam!

    Kris, they'd have to extradite you first…

  10. Tam says:

    He looks Nordic. I'm sure his name is Sven.

  11. It's probably something awful like Ignacius or Irwin. Heh.

  12. JenB says:

    I think this might fall under “conspiring to stalk” or something like that.

    I should change my name now.

  13. Mumma J says:

    Oh, for God's sake stalker girls – his name is Patrick, Trick for short.

    It came to me at about 5am this morning… just sailed right into my head and won't – AND I MEAN WILL NOT – leave! So Trick it is then…

    The Mumma has spoken.

  14. Kris says:

    Chris: Phew!

    Tam: So I looked up Nordic names – as you should have expected that I would – and I think he's – if he is Nordic – either an Erik or a Randinus. If it is the latter, he would (obviously) be known as Randi for short.

    I'm trying to decide which one I like better…

  15. Kris says:

    Bridget: Hey! Ignatius is a great name. πŸ™‚

    JenB: Chris said I'd be okay because they'd have to extradite me.

    Tracy and Kate are pretty much in the shit, though…

    Mumma: No. Trick makes him sound like either a hustler or someone from the Wild Bill show. Neither is an occupation which suits that profile.

    Also, why are you thinking about this at 5am in the morning. You're weird.

  16. Mumma J says:

    I was awake 'cos the friggin' cats decided it was time to party, someone (the aged parent's cat) was outside wanting them to go out and play!!!

    He may not be a Trick, BUT Patrick does suit him!

    Just sayin'.

  17. orannia says:

    You have completely failed in your duties for facilitating stalkage..

    I just adore the way you've worded that!

  18. Kris says:

    Mumma: No. It. Doesn't.

    Orannia: You think I give good letter?? πŸ™‚ I guess working for the government has seen my Arts degree in the bullshitting improve by leaps and bounds. πŸ˜‰

  19. Anonymous says:

    LOL Kris I love your mind… Genius, Seriously…
    Suzi.

  20. Patti says:

    Contact info would be good for stalking, er, research purposes. No other reason…

    I left an award for you here

  21. Kris says:

    Suzi: *blushes* Thank you! Finally, someone who recognises my brilliance. πŸ˜‰

    Patti: Absolutely for no other reason. The names and contact info would just be filed in the 'might come in handy at some stage' part of your brain.

    *off to have a look*

  22. either (a) uploading the images to an anonymous pron site or (b) selling them to like-minded perves.

    Have you heard of aiding and abetting – there is actually a charge that goes with that…

    However …

    when you find out – drop me an email… under an assumed name, I'll know it you…

    E.H>

  23. Kris says:

    EH: Will do! Happy to take the fall for this one. πŸ˜‰

    Janna: We perves have got to stick together. LOL.

  24. LOL! Wait… you're not calling me a perve, are you? *what happened to my rep?* Ah well, I'm in good company! πŸ™‚

  25. Kris says:

    “*what happened to my rep?*”

    *snort* You dreaming again, sweetie, or what. πŸ˜‰

  26. *grin* daydreaming… πŸ™‚

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