random funny



Tee hee.

Bella thinks my theory about vampires is right too.
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About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
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50 Responses to random funny

  1. Angelia says:

    Bella's wrong.

    The blood pools on death, leaving them with a perpetual erection, since it can't be pumped out.

    Documented morbid fact of the day.

    In many cultures, a post-mortem erection was a sign of a vampire and corpses would be burnt for it. Because they believed vampires came back and literally fucked their families to death.

  2. The blood pools on death, leaving them with a perpetual erection, since it can't be pumped out.

    agreed….

    Why must Bella question everything – just like some else I know..

    E.

  3. So glad to know this. It means that book 4 was just a bad dream then.

  4. A bad dream about vampire sperm!

  5. Kris says:

    Angelia: *blink, blink* Wow. I had no idea. That was also explain all of the myths about vampire seductions to a certain extent. Fascinating albeit it a bit icky.

    EH: If it can't get pumped out, it still means I'm right about a vampire not being able to cum. Just sayin'.

    “Why must Bella question everything – just like some else I know..”

    I have no idea to whom you are referring.

  6. Kris says:

    Wren: *snort* Unfortunately not.

    Miranda: You know how you always see those cartoon sperms with happy faces? I wonder – if they had sperm, that is – if vampires would have little fangs on theirs? Something to think about.

  7. Chris says:

    Hmph. I refuse to believe this. And my crush on Eric of True Blood has nothing to do with it!

  8. Jason says:

    but dead people get stiff, right? RIGHT??? ~pokepokejabjabnodnod~

  9. Kris says:

    Chris: Both you and Jase are beyond hope. Eric. Geezus.

    Jase: Sweetie, just cos the vampire might have a stiffy doesn't mean you can use him as your own personal dildo.

  10. Chris says:

    Mmmmmmm…. Eric….

  11. Jason says:

    and why the f– not, may I ask??

    😛

  12. Eric. Yes. Very much loving Eric.

    I do enjoy him in True Blood, but he's just the cat's meow in the books. And never has troubles of the kind you alluded to in your post 😛

  13. Eyre says:

    Eric is a big, tall piece of yummy. If vampires can be undead, levitate, etc., then why can't they get hard?

    Kris, fanged sperm sounds as painful as those Lora Leigh penis barbs. *shudders*

  14. Kris says:

    Chris: *rolls eyes*

    Jase: Why am I not surprised that an undead dildo wouldn't deter you. :p

    Wren: I think he is so much hotter in the books. The show in general is not at all like I had imagined. Has out me off. Blech.

    Eyre: Are you saying that a vamps ability to get a hard on and cum is a supernatural power??

    “Kris, fanged sperm sounds as painful as those Lora Leigh penis barbs.”

    It's wrong to snicker I know, but…

  15. Eyre says:

    Snicker away, Kris!

    I'm just saying that if we accept all those vampirey things like super-strength, etc., then why can't Bella accept that Little Eddie can still come out and play?

  16. Jason says:

    ~ahem~ Undead Eric-shaped ANYTHING is okay by me. 😀

  17. Chris says:

    Mmmm….. Eric….

  18. Jason says:

    mmm…penis barbs…

  19. Mmmm…Eric with penis barbs and fanged sperm!

  20. Holy s–t!

    Or Unholy, maybe?

    Wonder what strength microscope they used?

  21. Kris says:

    Eyre: “I'm just saying that if we accept all those vampirey things like super-strength, etc., then why can't Bella accept that Little Eddie can still come out and play?”

    Cos it would be more supernaturaly if, when she got turned vamp, she got the cock. And, no, I can't quite believe you googled that either.

    Jase, Chris & Wren: *throws hands up in disgust* I give up.

  22. Cecile says:

    ROFLMFA!!! You guys are hilarious…. Love you honey! Hugs to you~!

  23. Kris says:

    Cecile! *BIG FAT SQUISHY HUGS*

    But please don't encourage them. *sigh*

  24. Jason says:

    ~high fives with Wren~

  25. Kris says:

    *mutterohdeargodmutter*

    Isn't it time for little Jases to go to bed over there yet??

  26. ~high fives with Jason~

    Bed? But it's night time. The vamps are out now! I'd better go see if any are sitting on my porch.

  27. Kris says:

    Wren: Not sure how happy your hubby would be if he knew you were chasing after Teh Pasty Stiff Dildo with Fangs.

  28. Barbed penises?

    Fanged sperm?

    Priapisms?

    Pasty dildos?

    Gosh, I leave you kiddies alone for five minutes and all heck breaks loose. *bg*

  29. Chris says:

    Mmmmmm… Eric….

  30. Kris: How do you know my husband isn't one of those Tasty Fangy Stiffs?

    Chris: Are you stuck in a daydream? If so, can I join you? 🙂

  31. OOooooo…an AS tumblr. Gotta go.

  32. Chris says:

    *waves goodbye to Wren*

  33. Mmmm… Eric with Edward tied up on the bed.

  34. Jason says:

    mmm…Eric with ME tied up in the bed….

  35. If Eric drank Edward, would Eric be able to walk in the sun? Would he sparkle?

    If Edward drank Eric, would he be a real vampire?

    If Eric drank Jason, would Eric start posting on Goodreads?

  36. If Eric drank Jason, could I watch? Wait. Was that creepy? Sry.

  37. Jason says:

    oh my god!! If Eric drank Jason, EVERYONE could watch! 😀

  38. Chris says:

    Oh, good plan, Jase – now everyone's going to work to make that happen. 🙂

  39. Kris says:

    So yesterday Mumma says 'I think you all are being way too smutty on your blog.'

    Me: We're not really THAT bad.

    Mumma: O_o

    Me: No really.

    And then I wake up to plans for a kidnapping and sex show.

    Awesome.

    *sigh*

  40. Chris says:

    Is being pervy different from being smutty? Because I really think we're being pervy.

  41. Kris says:

    Chris: Mumma's on Twitter right now. You should go there and tell her your thoughts.

  42. Chris says:

    *rolls eyes*

  43. Kris says:

    Fine! I will tell Mumma that you didn't want to talk to her then.

  44. Chris says:

    Oh, teh dramaz!

  45. Kris says:

    It will be drama… for you… when the Mumma sees this and gets grumpy at you.

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