when things resonate




“And in the meantime, enjoy every version of yourself you ever meet, because not everybody who discovers their true identity likes what they find.”


I read the above quote in The Book Smugglers’ review of Antony John’s YA novel Five Flavors of Dumb and instantly knew I would be reading this book.


You see, and I’m sure I’ve said this before, but I firmly believe one of the hardest things we will ever do in life is to accept ourselves for who we are…. warts and all.


That doesn’t mean trying to define ourselves by how others see us or by what we’re not in comparison to those around us.


Instead, it’s about trying to understand yourself.  To learn what makes you, well, you.  


It’s difficult and challenging, but, in the end, all the more empowering.


Because, as easy as it is to accept the things you think are great about yourself, it’s harder and therefore the more rewarding to acknowledge what you don’t like.


For me, I know that for all I am Teh Awesome ;), I am also a moody, controlling, opinionated, impatient bitch, who tends to wallow in her depression and chronic illness.


There’s no question I dislike, even despise, these aspects of myself at times.


They’re a part of me, though.


Yes, parts I struggle with, sometimes complete with lion(ess)-taming paraphernalia in hand.  


Yes, parts at my darkest moments I wish I weren’t.


Yes, parts I even want to change.


But would I really if I got the chance?


No.  I wouldn’t.


As sure as I am that I’ll never, EVER be someone who looks in the mirror and tells themselves ‘I love you’, blah, blah, I know I’m actually pretty okay.


I like me.  


Even more, I like the journey I’ve had and am still undertaking to get to this person.  This Kris.


I guess where I’m going with this is, at this time of dreaded holiday season overwhelmingness, try not to be afraid of who you are.  


Take courage and accept those things about you which make you special, make you ‘different’.  No matter how bad they might seem right now.


Besides, perfection?? 


Fucking boring as bat shit.

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About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
This entry was posted in antony john, serious randomness, serious shit, The Book Smugglers, ya. Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to when things resonate

  1. Chris says:

    Dammit, I'm going to have to read a YA book, aren't I?

  2. Tracy says:

    Perfection is SO over rated. 🙂

    I like you for you too. I like who I am as well but yeah, it took a long time to get there.

  3. KB/KT Grant says:

    Thank you for this post. 🙂 It's something I need to read.

    If you weren't who you are, the world would be a very boring place.

    I'll take you cookies and all!

  4. Kassa says:

    *refuses to add to the ego* I will say you have some pretty damn awesome baking skills Teh Kris.

    Your post may cause this YA book to be a best seller cuz not only am I getting it, but I may need to pimp this out and force it on several people.

    Merry Happy Cookie Queen 🙂

    (ps. my word is “epings” seriously.. its a gift)

  5. Stacy~ says:

    I've been struggling with this A LOT lately, and I appreciate you posting this. I need to accept myself, yes, but not wallow so much. We all go through this on some level, and it's reassuring to not be going through this alone. Big hugs, Ms. Awesome 🙂

  6. Janna says:

    Wow, deep! Darn, now I feel I need to look more closely at myself, think about if I like who I am…
    At least I know I like who you are. 🙂

  7. Tam says:

    Getting old helps. I'm not sure I've embraced those parts I don't like so much as just don't care if anyone else doesn't like them either. It's a challenge though to not hate some parts so much some days.

    I probably won't get the book. 😛 Just to be contrary, but enjoy it those who do.

  8. Antony John says:

    I'm so glad you like that line, Kris.

    I've got to be honest: when I wrote it, I figured someone would make me take it out, or say stuff like “what the hell kinda head-up-ass nonsense is that?” Only, I really believe it's true, and so would the character in the novel who says it. So I made it stick.

    After reading your post, I'm really glad I did. Thanks!

  9. Kris says:

    Chris: Hard to resist that blurb AND the quote, right. 🙂

    Tracy: I like you too. *g* I think the point you make about the length of time it took to get there is spot on. At 36, it's still one I'm taking.

    KB: You're welcome, luv, and thank you. I think we all need to be reminded about how hard it is to understand, accept and like ourselves, especially at this time of year of holiday madness.

  10. K. Z. Snow says:

    The WOBC (Whiny, Opinionated Bitches Club) is not exclusive, Ozcake. Published authors are some of the biggest wallowers around. Have you not discerned that yet? 😉

    The older I get, the more I figure I've earned the right to be whatever the hell it is that I am. I've paid my dues.

    P.S. The book sounds lovely. I think I'd buy it because of the title alone!

  11. Kris says:

    Kassa: You were thinking something nice about me?? The hell?! 😛

    “Your post may cause this YA book to be a best seller cuz not only am I getting it, but I may need to pimp this out and force it on several people.”

    LOL. Good cos it looks friggin' awesome. I looked everywhere for it yesterday, but couldn't find it. I think it might not be out in Oz yet. I'm hoping to find it at the Emerald City (aka The Book Depository). *crosses fingers*

    Stacy: “We all go through this on some level, and it's reassuring to not be going through this alone.”

    I don't know about you, but this time of year is absolute killer for me. Things I might ordinarily be able to 'cope' with are a huge struggle. I've also had a couple of weeks where there has been bad news hit after hit. So yeah, I've been wallowing and, no, you're definitely not alone.

    You ever need to talk and I'm your girl. We'll wallow then give each other slaps across the back of the head to tell each other to get the fuck over it. ((BIG FAT SQUISHY HUGS))

  12. Mumma J says:

    Great post Sweetie.
    I've had a lot of questions about myself this past year.
    Yes you are awesome and, I love you!

    Seriously, veri word – brests!!!

  13. Kris says:

    Janna: LOL. Thank you.

    “… now I feel I need to look more closely at myself, think about if I like who I am…”

    Just be sure to look at yourself with the same compassion and acceptance that you would look at others. That's the trick. We tend to be a lot harder on ourselves than we might be on those around us.

    Tam: “I'm not sure I've embraced those parts I don't like so much as just don't care if anyone else doesn't like them either.”

    There is certainly a sense of 'you know what? fuck it and fuck them' that comes with age, but, yes, it doesn't mean that there are days that you were anything but the way you're like. At those times, it's important to remember the 'fuck it' days. 🙂

    KZ: “The older I get, the more I figure I've earned the right to be whatever the hell it is that I am. I've paid my dues.”

    I like that approach. A lot. :DDD It also reminded me of a great poem called 'Warning' by Jenny Joseph. Do you know it? http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/warning/

  14. Kris says:

    Antony, thank you so much for stopping by to comment.

    I guess it is a little obvious how much that line resonated with me. I think I might have given that away… just a wee bit. 🙂

    I am also very glad that your concerns about the line and it's possible deletion didn't come to fruition. I say that because when I read the quote at The Book Smugglers yesterday my first thought was 'YES!' followed immediately by 'God, I wish someone had said that to me when I was a teenager.'

    It's a simple, but hugely powerful message and I'm certain that it will mean something to the people who read your book.

    Thank YOU. 🙂

  15. Kris says:

    Love you too, Mumma.

  16. LesleyW says:

    I think it is definitely something to do with getting older. And though I have bad days, and feel down, especially at this time of year. If I had a choice between being me and being someone else, I'd choose me. It took a while to get here though.

  17. Kris says:

    LesleyW: “If I had a choice between being me and being someone else, I'd choose me.”

    I totally agree. I also think you're right that it's the journey of growing older and, hopefully ;), more mature which makes us realise it is the sum of us that makes us who we are, not just the parts that we think are better than the others.

  18. Kaetrin says:

    It's strange really, because I like me well enough. It's just that (in my opinion), for others to like me they have to get to know me (I'm reserved, at least at first) and I'm not terribly confident about having enough whatever-it-is-that-attracts-people-in-a-non-sexual-way for others to hang around long enough to find that out. We all have our quirks I guess 🙂

    Happy holidays my dear – everyone here likes you just fine!

  19. Mandi says:

    awesome post Kris

    I can't agree more. There are things I struggle with…but at the same time…that makes me..me.

    Love how you worded it – much better than me..LOL 🙂

  20. Nastassia says:

    I really love this post 🙂

    @Kaetrin – That's exactly how I feel

  21. Kaetrin says:

    @Nastassia – really? it's nice to know I'm not alone 😀

  22. Kris says:

    Kaetrin: “We all have our quirks I guess :)”

    That we do. 🙂 My tendency to moodiness makes it hard for people to get to know me and vice versa. I can put people off quite easily so I know what you mean.

    Happy hols to you too, Kaetrin, and they'd better. 😉

    Mandi: (((squishies)))

    “I can't agree more. There are things I struggle with…but at the same time…that makes me..me.”

    Yes! I agree wholeheartedly. For example, I often have people saying to me that they're sorry about my chronic illness, but as bad it gets there's no way I'd wish it on anyone else. Besides it's helped to make me who I am today. 🙂

    Nastassia: Thank you, hun.

  23. To be totally honest, if I really got the chance to change some things about me I don't like, I would. But since I've realized that's not gonna happen, I've learned to accept that I am what I am (I agree with KZ about the age thing).

    What I can't seem to do is believe that other people might be able to accept me for who I am. (So maybe I can identify with Kaetrin and Nastassia, too)

  24. Kris says:

    Wren: Do you mean physically or personality wise? That you would change about yourself, I mean.

  25. Juniper says:

    Great post Kris. Have struggled with depression for a while now & have found self-acceptance sometimes nigh on impossible. You said it so much better than I ever could.

    Now off to track the book down.

  26. Kris says:

    Juni, depression is a major suck, isn't it.

    I have various 'coping' mechanisms several which are, in all honesty, self destructive, especially the one I call Happy Smiley Kris who faces the world with a Happy Smiley Face admitting to no one how bad it is until she breaks. I hate her so I try to tackle her and kidnap her to let her wallow in it for a couple of days before slapping her across the back of the head and tell her to get the fuck over it and move on.

    Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

    I think that's the biggest thing I've had to learn about my depression. There are good days, great days, meh days, bad days and just plain fucking awful days. That's just the way it is so I try and find ways to work with what I have.

    It's not easy. As I said at the start of this comment, it's a major suck. But that's the life I was given… so there! 🙂

  27. Kris: “Wren: Do you mean physically or personality wise? That you would change about yourself, I mean.”

    Some of each, I'd say.

  28. Kris says:

    Wren: *nods* The physical ones are hard too. Something that I've noticed with me is that when I'm feeling good about inner me, outer me seems to reflect that somehow and it increases my confidence. My physical differences to what may be considered the 'norm' don't seem to matter as much. Maybe that all seems trite *shrugs*, but it's true for me at least. 🙂

  29. I don't think that's trite at all. I do believe that what we're feeling inside can be visible on the outside in any number of ways. Sometimes others notice, sometimes just us.

  30. Kris says:

    Wren: “Sometimes others notice, sometimes just us.”

    Yes. I like it best when I notice it myself. Makes me feel even betterer. 🙂

  31. If someone else notices, I tend to brush it off as them making stuff up!

  32. Eyre says:

    Kris, you are awesome! Thanks for posting this. I really needed it today.

  33. Kris says:

    Wren: I do my 'I know how awesome I am' act. LOL.

    Eyre: Welcome, luv. *squishies*

  34. Kris = Teh awesome

    I just read a horrible erotica and need to cleanse my mind with something PG – I'll check this one out.

  35. Amara says:

    There are too many things rolling around in me right now to even begin to articulate. So I'll just say, this is one of the best blog posts I've seen in… I don't know how long.

    Thanks.

  36. Kris says:

    KC: *squishies* I've ordered it from The Book Depository and can't wait to get my hands on it. I'm already more than half way in love with it already based on the blurb and this quote. 🙂

    Amara: Thank you, luv. I'm just glad that I was able to resonate with other people out there as the quote did with me.

  37. Sagi says:

    I see I'm going to read that book & I totally agree with every word you said besides 🙂 thanks!! 🙂

  38. Kris says:

    Sagi: (((HUGS)))

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