is kris *gasp* not lovey dovey enough for romance??

I was reading the DIK blog the other day and was taken aback when two of my mates (ie Jen and Tracy) said that they would like to be transported back to the regency world. All I could think of was “you know I love you, but… are you two fucking insane?!”

Forget that an ant’s leg percentage of the people at the time were actually part of the ton. Forget that women were basically treated like shit. Forget about the rampant disease and lack of medical treatment. Forget about the lack of mod cons such as electricity and running water.

I have one word for you girls and that is… TAMPONS.

No way in hell I would ever, EVER want to live in a world where they used – and reused – cloth when chicks had their ‘monthlies’. No. Way. In. Hell.

Ask yourself this, why do you think you rarely read about this aspect of life in historicals? Because it’s fucking gross that’s why!

As for the guys; would you really want to put sheep skin or gut on your cock? O_o I think not.

So, have I now proven myself to be not romantic enough for romance? I’ll leave that for you to decide.

About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
This entry was posted in historical, Jenre, pet peeve/fave rant, serious randomness, tracy. Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to is kris *gasp* not lovey dovey enough for romance??

  1. Sean Kennedy says:

    Haha, I was actually talking about this the other day with some friends. We all love Austen and the like, and as much as I think I'd love to live in that period there were two things I could think of immediately that would stop me: no spray deoderant, and no flushing toilets.

  2. No indoor plumbing *shudder*. Sorry, not into digging a whole in the ground and peeing where I stand.
    And no Midol of the craps! I like living in the present

  3. K. Z. Snow says:

    Boy, this kind of stuff always pulls me up short when I read historical anything. One book that went far toward ruining me as an open-minded reader was John Kelly's The Great Mortality, which I devoured as part of my research for an EC novel (yes, an EC novel).

    Now granted, the fourteenth century, especially when you throw the Black Plague into the mix, was a distinctly unpleasant time in which to live. But subsequent periods up to the late nineteenth century, or maybe the mid twentieth, were no great shakes either.

    Yeah, public health and personal hygiene/disease issues are always in the back of my mind when I read historicals.

  4. Tam says:

    Oh, I'm with you honey. I've used outhouses in the modern day and it ain't pretty. I can't imagine when that was your only option. *shudder*

    Having your period never comes up in romance and yes, I know its a fantasy but you are trekking through the desert for 2 months with he guy. Ummm. Hello? What the hell are you doing for 2 weeks of that time? Using cactus leaves? Another advantage to m/m, never having to deal with periods, cramps and PMS. LOL Boys have it easy.

  5. Tam says:

    Oh forgot to add I think you can still buy sheepskin condoms for people allergic to latex, but I imagine they are slightly more refined than those used in the 1800s.

  6. Kris says:

    Great minds and all that, Sean. LOL.

    That's thing; in theory it sounds great, but the reality of it makes me – and anyone of sound mind – go running for cover!

  7. Kris says:

    KB, I'm with you, hun. The thought of a chamber pot under the bed is almost as bad to me as a rubbish bin by the bed full of used condoms and tissues. Blech!

    Not only lack of painkillers for cramps, but no microwave for a heat pack. Noooo!!!

  8. Kris says:

    *still getting over the fact that K Z read an historical for research for an EC novel*

    “Boy, this kind of stuff always pulls me up short when I read historical anything.”

    Exactly! Now imagine you also had a couple of degrees in history. It makes it very difficult to read historicals through the rose coloured glasses of romance.

  9. Kris says:

    I grew up in country Australia, Tam. Believe me, I've had my share of outhouses too and don't even get me started on having to check for creepy crawlies. *shuddering at the memories*

    I've read a couple of m/fs where the girl has had her period – a number of which it's probably the only time in the story where one of the characters actually goes to the bathroom. God, I AM becoming a cynic, aren't I. LOL.

    You can still by sheepskin condoms? Really?? Fascinating. Out of interest, just how do you know this??

  10. Sarah says:

    hehehehe. Grode.

  11. orannia says:

    …never having to deal with periods, cramps and PMS. LOL Boys have it easy.

    You're preaching to the choir Tam 🙂 I'm so with you on that!

    As for the Regency era I have two words for you: PUBLIC HYGIENE!

    Most people didn't have any. Then there were all the open sewers…

    *runs to hide with Kris* I've brought munchies 🙂

  12. Kris says:

    It is a bit icky, isn't it, Sarah. 🙂

  13. Kris says:

    *makes space for Orannia*

    Can you imagine innocently promenading down the street when *bam* you're hit by a chamber pot full of pee, poo and used sheepskin.

    *hands back munchies* All of a sudden, I'm not hungry.

  14. Jenre says:

    I feel the need to defend myself here. 🙂

    When I said I'd like to go back to the Regency period it was on the condition that I ended up as a a member of the ton. However, should I have gone back through my ancestral line, I would have ended up in service because my forebears were servants to the rich, not the rich themselves!

    Let's face it the whole idea of travelling to the past is pure fantasy and so why not ignore some of the less savoury aspects? To be honest, lack of indoor plumbing doesn't bother me, nor does the use of cloths when you have your 'visitor' (and I've read at least two time-travel historicals where the heroine is on her period and has to cope with that).

    I know that the benefits of living in the modern world far outweighs those of living in the past, but sometimes I yearn to live in a time without such a need to live life at a breakneck speed, where there isn't car pollution (even if there are open sewers) and where there's a lack of intensive housing.

  15. Ingrid says:

    I doubt you would have much fresh air in London in the 19th century. With the upcoming industries there would have been smoke in the air. Not to mention all the households still burning wood and coal for heating and cooking.
    I have been in Norway in winter where they still use a lot of wood. You can smell in in the air.

    You people did not even mention giving birth in that time. Having your period would be easy peasy *g*

    Ever give a thought why pies and stew were invented and something like mustard?

  16. Jenre says:

    The place where I live at the moment (which is about 400 miles from London) would have been a small village with only a few houses, a couple of inns, a smithy, a church and a village school in 1815. It's true that this area was heavily industrialised by the cloth mill industry, which is what caused its expansion and ultimate joining with the Leeds Metropole, but that didn't happen until after 1850 so I would have had had my fresh air for a few years at least!

    I suppose it is quite ironic that, even with car pollution, the air quality is probably better here now that it would have been during the latter part of the 1800's when the area boasted several cloth mills, and a busy railway. 🙂

  17. Ingrid says:

    The city of NY thought the introduction of cars in the city a good thing for the environment because of all the horse shit *g*

  18. Tracy says:

    Let's face it the whole idea of travelling to the past is pure fantasy and so why not ignore some of the less savoury aspects?

    Here, here! Yeah! What she said. 🙂

    I don't think about that kind of gross stuff when I think about traveling back in time. For me it's more, get dressed up, go to a ball, enjoy a walk in the park, etc. Not the fact that London was a stinking mess that you couldn't breathe in, you had to use cloths when Aunt Flo came to visit and no deoderant. Hence the term: FANTASY. You're not supposed to ruin it for me Chick! lol

  19. K. Z. Snow says:

    I do have to say that in the hands of a superb writer — like, say, Alex Beecroft — a reader does get lost in the characters and their story. They end up transcending all those mundane concerns and activities.

  20. Tracy says:

    Exactly KZ! Thank you. 😉

  21. Anonymous says:

    Tampons and TOILET PAPER! That's the big thing for me. What did they use before newspaper was invented? ;D


  22. Tam says:

    Gaycrow: Leaves, there has always been trees. 🙂 Although in winter and fall that would chafe.

  23. Kris says:

    Jen: Ah, fantasy conditions as opposed to RL conditions. Gotchya. 😉 I think that's probably one of the reasons I read fantasy fantasy so that my simple little mind can handle the discrepancies easier.

    My British side of the family were factory and railway workers and poor Irish. I can pretty much guarantee that I would have been a doxie, although being of integrity I would have saved some child from being hit by a runaway cart only to find out that said child was a Duke's son, the Duke takes me in and, despite the mesalliance, we fall in love and marry. The End. LOL.

    I was going to mention the air quality as a result of steam engines and the like in factories, but I see Ingrid beat me to it.

    I guess we all yearn for something and nostalgia makes us think that the past equals simplier times; however, far from the truth that may be.

  24. Kris says:

    Ingrid: *thanking God right now I'm a vegetarian and don't eat stews* Please I don't need any more nightmares. Just the thought of child birth as little as twenty years ago fills me with horror.

    I love that little snippet about NY history. Nice. LOL.

    Tracy: Sorry, hun, but you needed to face facts. 🙂 Balls? Hmmm, I'm assuming you don't want a lecture here about what women of the ton did to themselves to makes them more attractive?? Me, I would have been the bookish daughter who pretended to have the megrims and then snuck into the library to read all the porn that Dad hid on the top shelf. 🙂

  25. Tracy says:

    Again…Fantasy for me. Not you. 🙂

  26. Kris says:

    K Z: True, and that's why they call it historical fiction.

    Gaycrow: LOL. I use recycled t/paper which the Baby Brother insists is just as bad as some of the newspapers he's had to use out on the mine sites. 🙂

    Tam: I wonder if that's how the first person discovered poison ivy??

  27. Kris says:

    Tracy: Yep, and one of the reasons why I don't like reading it too much cos it isn't a fantasy or romantic for me.

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