wanted: stalker for author

To Whom It May Concern

After careful consideration, I have decided to retire from my much-loved, not to mentioned greatly admired, position of stalker to fellow Perth resident and somewhat esteemed m/m author, Sean Kennedy.

This decision happened during a recent exchange with said author when it occurred to me that our relationship had somehow – yes, it was very surprising – reverted to that of siblings. That is, he is an annoying shit who needs to do what he is told.

Therefore, in the interests of succession planning, I am now requesting expressions of interest for the position of Sean’s stalker.

Applicants must demonstrate the following:

* a willingness to read his work, including shit sub-genres that you might not ordinarily like;

* constant posting of his author picture (as per the below) in spite of his requests for privacy; and,

* a dungeon or basement or soundproof room of some sort preferably with attached bathroom facilities, for obvious reasons, as well as already installed wall chains, again for obvious reasons.

Please send you responses and, of course, declarations of love and fangirlyness directly to Sean at kennseaATgmailDOTcom. (Please note that he does not like to receive undies.)

Yours sincerely,

Kris of Kris ‘n’ Good Books.

About Kris

Reads, rants, randoms & R+s. You've been warned. BTW, don't follow me if you're a GLBTQQphobic wanker. It won't end well. For you.
This entry was posted in extra further randomness, sean kennedy. Bookmark the permalink.

60 Responses to wanted: stalker for author

  1. Val says:

    “(Please note that he does not like to receive undies.)”

    I can understand that, ha, ha!

  2. Tam says:

    It's a bitch sending undies by e-mail anyway.

    I'm not sure I'd be eligible since I live so far away. I'm not really in a financial position right now to rent a plane, drug him, sneak him back through customs and install him in my dungeon, umm, I mean guestroom.

    Item's 1 and 2 on the list I could probably handle. Perhaps we need this to be more of a cooperative stalker project, each of playing to our strengths. That could work.

  3. Jenre says:

    I'd rather not compromise my position as Sean's No1 fan, if you don't mind.

    I'm too busy making goo goo eyes at him on Twitter and writing him gushing emails to even contemplate taking on the role of stalker.

  4. Matthew says:

    Sorry, Kris, we're going to stalk him our way.

  5. Do we get extra cookies to munch on?

  6. I have to rules myself out… my dungeon is in long term use at the moment…

    Happy hunting hon….


  7. Kris says:

    Val: Yeah. Undies are always a little bit risky. 😉

    Tam: “Perhaps we need this to be more of a cooperative stalker project, each of playing to our strengths. That could work.”

    That's a possibility. Otherwise I could be more flexible with that criterion so that you have to only indicate your willingness to go all Misery-style should your circumstances allow.Let's face it the economy being what it it is it's forced all stalkers have to review their priorities.

  8. Kris says:

    Jen: Good point. Although consider the fact that you're already doing stalking in a fangirl way anyways. Perhaps you could decorate your, erm, guest room in colours better suited for facilitating his writing, etc. Set up a writing station (without the internet of course), let him keep Mina, etc, etc.

    See. It really isn't that much of a leap.

    Matthew: You disappoint me.

  9. Kris says:

    Katiebabs chook: *gasp* You expect payment?! But you stalk for stalkings sake… for the joy of it… not to get some sort of reward… *mutter, mutter*

    EH: “my dungeon is in long term use at the moment…”

    Fair enough. Keep up the good work and please let me know if an opening becomes available.

  10. Chris says:

    Hmm. I'm not sure I could afford the sloe gin bill.

  11. Kris says:

    Chris: True. On the other hand, once dungeoned, you could take the opp to get him off the stuff. That may help curtail his drama queen moments.

  12. Chris says:

    Hmm. That could work. Will he whine and demand more Tori Amos then? Could be bad…

  13. Kris says:

    He only listens to her when he's all Depressed Drunk. That's why you need to stop the mojitoes as well as the sloe gin.

  14. Do I need to provide references & my previous online stalking resume/habits?

  15. Kris says:

    KC: I assume that Sean will want proof of your previous experience and the quality of your stalkage so I think it would be a good idea.

  16. Cecile says:

    ** sneaking in… and sneaking out.. off to investigate**

    although my many dungeons.. I mean basements.. I mean rooms are kinda in use right now… I might have to put some of the occupants together.. humm…

    off to investigate this case….

    Hope you had a great weekend Kris!!!

  17. Kris says:

    Cecile: Putting occupants together sounds lit it could have… potential. 😉

    Hope you had a great Easter too, Cecile. Today is a hol here so I still have a little bit of it to go. 🙂

  18. Mandi says:

    You would not believe how time consuming my stalking schedule is.

  19. Anonymous says:

    I swear Kris, I love your brain…
    How can someone stay depressed with you and your mind around?
    Have you ever thought about writing a book?
    Thanx for the laugh.

  20. Tracy says:

    Hmmmm…I'd take the position – uh, I mean APPLY for the position but if I put him in the basement the kids will go down and make him play board games constantly and he wouldn't get any writing done. Too bad.

  21. Natasha says:

    No can do sweetie….. my cellar is full and I'd spend to much time making him model those undies…. and I need a new kennedy book to read. I mean how many time can one read T & D before you start watching the footy and trying to find Dec! LOL! Anyway the way the Tigers are playing I'm glad I live in different hemisphere….. oooo it's not pretty.
    PS I got jecopant…. what is a jecopant?

  22. Kris says:

    Mandi: Oh, I think I could. 😛

    Suzi love! How the heck are you?

    My brain thanks you. LOL. God, could you imagine me writing a book?? The plot would be all over the place if I ever stopped being distracted to write it that is. *g*

    BTW, remind me to tell you about my theory that Father Christmas is a vampire. I had all the rellies convinced at the bash we had over the weekend. Of course, this was right after we had an intense discussion about Jesus being the first zombie so they might have already been predisposed to favourably considering the topic. 🙂

  23. Kris says:

    Tracy: Yeah, that wouldn't be good. He still needs to be able to write stuff so I'm afraid that you won;t make it to the short list.

    Tish, and how are you? 🙂

    Poor Richmond. Sean is probably still crying. Meanwhile I'm in a state of disbelief cos the Dockers are 2nd on the ladder. I doubt it will last for long though. *snort*

    Buggered if I know what jecopant is. Some sort of new undie??

  24. Tracy says:

    *sigh* ah well I can win them all.

    He would have looked great in a little tiara when he played the “Disney Princess Enchanted Dream Ball” game with my youngest.

  25. Kris says:

    Tracy, I've no doubt he would have.

    Hey, I know… why not have designated writing time and play time. That could work.

  26. K. Z. Snow says:

    Sorry, I'm too busy trying to round up a stalker for myself. Other than Castanet, that is.

  27. orannia says:

    After careful consideration, I have decided to retire from my much-loved, not to mentioned greatly admired, position of stalker to fellow Perth resident and somewhat esteemed m/m author, Sean Kennedy.

    *gobsmacked* I so didn't see this coming. The world has gone mad I tell you!

  28. Kris says:

    KZ: I'll let you know what does and doesn't work re this application process in case you're interested in calling for expressions of interest yourself.

    Orannia: Mad?? It always is, but in this case I decided it was much funner to pick on Sean big sister style. Plus, you know, there is the toy poodle thing. 🙂

  29. Natasha says:

    Kris…. the Dockers? Well at least its not the weagles…. small mercies. I won't tell you who I barrack for I don't want to get banned LOL!
    I'm doing okay sweetie… Hows life treating you? I'm missing home like crazy though. If we did get back to Oz it would be to Melbourne so I'd still be homesick LOL!!
    Anyway how come you are fobbing off the Kennedy…. are the blue undies not doing it for you anymore? 😦

  30. Kris says:

    *fingers down throat re the Eagles* Never!

    I'm curious about what team you support now and if you say Collingwood you will definitely be banned. 😉

    Life is.. life. LOL. I'd say that I can't complain but who would actually believe that big fat lie. My whinging pom DNA and all. 🙂

    “Anyway how come you are fobbing off the Kennedy…. are the blue undies not doing it for you anymore?”

    I decided that I was having too much fun bossing him around. Also, he was annoying me almost as much as the Baby Brother. Seemed like a sign. LOL.

  31. Natasha says:

    Carlton….. sheesh now I'm banned…. tarred and quartered 😦

    Oh you get to boss Sean around…. oooh just might have to clean out the cellar after all. Maybe Jenre will be willing to kennedy share with me LOL! Nah…. my kids would probably rip him a new one before the weeks out….. girls can be so mean to 'helpless twinks'. Also the middle girl child would steal his kitty. She loves kitties and isn't allowed one 😦 (I'm a bad momma)
    Well back to reading… got the new Parasol Protectorate 'Changeless' to get through…. it's funny and I'm still only on the first chapter 🙂


  32. Kris says:

    Tish: I guess Carlton isn't as bad as Collingwood. 😛

    Did you see what you did?? Your tales of what the girls would do to him have made Sean cry… via that Dawson's Creek dude.

    Sean: As your virtual Big Sister I feel that my only suitable response is… don't be such a friggin' cry baby!

  33. Chris says:

    Oh, poor Sean – you were probably better off with Kris as your Official Stalker. Have you SEEN the sorts of questions she asks her brother?!

  34. Kris says:

    *shirt fronts Chris* You just had to bloody tell him that, didn't you. You totally ruined the element of surprise! *poutmope*

  35. Chris says:

    *flutters eyelashes innocently*

  36. Kris says:

    Who the hell are you trying to kid??

  37. Natasha says:

    Good!!!! I'm glad he had a cry!!! I just realised I'm still waiting for my signed T & D postcard…..
    Maybe I should be his stalker…. I'd steal his kitty and replace it with a pussy 🙂 Okay maybe I won't….. wouldn't want him to slit his wrists….. much LOL!

    Is he still writing that steampunk book? I love steampunk…. my house is slowly being turned into a steampunk house 🙂 It suits my bustle gowns… and my coffee maker. http://www.coffeeitalia.co.uk/proddetail.php?prod=f-elektra
    isn't it sweet 🙂
    Okay I'm going to go now…. ESPN are doing the footy round up


  38. Kris says:

    Tish, I'm loving that coffee machine. It's awesome.

    Sean has finished and is publishing the steampunk through Dreamspinner. He talks about it in his latest LJ update. I'm looking forward to seeing the cover for that. 🙂

  39. Sean Kennedy says:

    Natasha, were you a winner of a postcard and didn't receive it? Sorry – send me your address again and I'll get a new one out!

    The steampunk is coming out in July/August. Am throwing lots of pics at Catt in order to hobble a cool cover together.

    Kris, still crying, shaking. And did you know Jen is trying to steal your bitch tiara? Oh, well, you would know if you were on Twitter.

  40. Kris says:

    OMG, that cow! Must join Twitter to stop her from stealing my crown.

    Yeah, yeah.

    Blah, blah.

    Nearly had me there, Sean. I was soooo convinced.

    No really.

    I was.

  41. Matthew says:

    Kris, watch out! He convinced ME to join Twitter. Thank God, he's the only one following me so in no time I will get rid of it. But beware, he's soooo convincing!!!

  42. Kris says:

    Matthew: He's been trying to convince me for months and months. I can't believe you succumbed, you traitor!

  43. Matthew says:

    Three words: wet blue mesh.

  44. Kris says:

    Oh for god's sake.

    You are a fame-arse author now, Matthew. Try to show a little bloody dignity.

  45. Matthew says:

    1. Not a fame-arse author yet. But the time will come.
    2. Maybe you can resist Sean but I can't!

    (my captcha word is: rooters Ha. Ha. Ha.)

  46. Kris says:

    *wonders why she is only just noticing how pervy Matthew is*

  47. Matthew says:

    Well, why… You're getting old, that's why. *evillaughter*

  48. Kris says:



  49. Sean Kennedy says:

    So, Matthew is the front-runner, then?

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