To Whom It May Concern
After careful consideration, I have decided to retire from my much-loved, not to mentioned greatly admired, position of stalker to fellow Perth resident and somewhat esteemed m/m author, Sean Kennedy.
This decision happened during a recent exchange with said author when it occurred to me that our relationship had somehow – yes, it was very surprising – reverted to that of siblings. That is, he is an annoying shit who needs to do what he is told.
Therefore, in the interests of succession planning, I am now requesting expressions of interest for the position of Sean’s stalker.
Applicants must demonstrate the following:
* a willingness to read his work, including shit sub-genres that you might not ordinarily like;
* constant posting of his author picture (as per the below) in spite of his requests for privacy; and,
* a dungeon or basement or soundproof room of some sort preferably with attached bathroom facilities, for obvious reasons, as well as already installed wall chains, again for obvious reasons.
Please send you responses and, of course, declarations of love and fangirlyness directly to Sean at kennseaATgmailDOTcom. (Please note that he does not like to receive undies.)
Yours sincerely,
Kris of Kris ‘n’ Good Books.
Kris + Books = Good. *Sometimes*. 
“(Please note that he does not like to receive undies.)”
I can understand that, ha, ha!
It's a bitch sending undies by e-mail anyway.
I'm not sure I'd be eligible since I live so far away. I'm not really in a financial position right now to rent a plane, drug him, sneak him back through customs and install him in my dungeon, umm, I mean guestroom.
Item's 1 and 2 on the list I could probably handle. Perhaps we need this to be more of a cooperative stalker project, each of playing to our strengths. That could work.
I'd rather not compromise my position as Sean's No1 fan, if you don't mind.
I'm too busy making goo goo eyes at him on Twitter and writing him gushing emails to even contemplate taking on the role of stalker.
Sorry, Kris, we're going to stalk him our way.
Do we get extra cookies to munch on?
I have to rules myself out… my dungeon is in long term use at the moment…
Happy hunting hon….
E.H>
Val: Yeah. Undies are always a little bit risky. 😉
Tam: “Perhaps we need this to be more of a cooperative stalker project, each of playing to our strengths. That could work.”
That's a possibility. Otherwise I could be more flexible with that criterion so that you have to only indicate your willingness to go all Misery-style should your circumstances allow.Let's face it the economy being what it it is it's forced all stalkers have to review their priorities.
Jen: Good point. Although consider the fact that you're already doing stalking in a fangirl way anyways. Perhaps you could decorate your, erm, guest room in colours better suited for facilitating his writing, etc. Set up a writing station (without the internet of course), let him keep Mina, etc, etc.
See. It really isn't that much of a leap.
Matthew: You disappoint me.
Katiebabs chook: *gasp* You expect payment?! But you stalk for stalkings sake… for the joy of it… not to get some sort of reward… *mutter, mutter*
EH: “my dungeon is in long term use at the moment…”
Fair enough. Keep up the good work and please let me know if an opening becomes available.
Hmm. I'm not sure I could afford the sloe gin bill.
Chris: True. On the other hand, once dungeoned, you could take the opp to get him off the stuff. That may help curtail his drama queen moments.
Hmm. That could work. Will he whine and demand more Tori Amos then? Could be bad…
He only listens to her when he's all Depressed Drunk. That's why you need to stop the mojitoes as well as the sloe gin.
Do I need to provide references & my previous online stalking resume/habits?
KC: I assume that Sean will want proof of your previous experience and the quality of your stalkage so I think it would be a good idea.
** sneaking in… and sneaking out.. off to investigate**
although my many dungeons.. I mean basements.. I mean rooms are kinda in use right now… I might have to put some of the occupants together.. humm…
off to investigate this case….
Hope you had a great weekend Kris!!!
Cecile: Putting occupants together sounds lit it could have… potential. 😉
Hope you had a great Easter too, Cecile. Today is a hol here so I still have a little bit of it to go. 🙂
You would not believe how time consuming my stalking schedule is.
I swear Kris, I love your brain…
How can someone stay depressed with you and your mind around?
Have you ever thought about writing a book?
Thanx for the laugh.
Suzi.
Hmmmm…I'd take the position – uh, I mean APPLY for the position but if I put him in the basement the kids will go down and make him play board games constantly and he wouldn't get any writing done. Too bad.
No can do sweetie….. my cellar is full and I'd spend to much time making him model those undies…. and I need a new kennedy book to read. I mean how many time can one read T & D before you start watching the footy and trying to find Dec! LOL! Anyway the way the Tigers are playing I'm glad I live in different hemisphere….. oooo it's not pretty.
tish
PS I got jecopant…. what is a jecopant?
Mandi: Oh, I think I could. 😛
Suzi love! How the heck are you?
My brain thanks you. LOL. God, could you imagine me writing a book?? The plot would be all over the place if I ever stopped being distracted to write it that is. *g*
BTW, remind me to tell you about my theory that Father Christmas is a vampire. I had all the rellies convinced at the bash we had over the weekend. Of course, this was right after we had an intense discussion about Jesus being the first zombie so they might have already been predisposed to favourably considering the topic. 🙂
Tracy: Yeah, that wouldn't be good. He still needs to be able to write stuff so I'm afraid that you won;t make it to the short list.
Tish, and how are you? 🙂
Poor Richmond. Sean is probably still crying. Meanwhile I'm in a state of disbelief cos the Dockers are 2nd on the ladder. I doubt it will last for long though. *snort*
Buggered if I know what jecopant is. Some sort of new undie??
*sigh* ah well I can win them all.
He would have looked great in a little tiara when he played the “Disney Princess Enchanted Dream Ball” game with my youngest.
Tracy, I've no doubt he would have.
Hey, I know… why not have designated writing time and play time. That could work.
Sorry, I'm too busy trying to round up a stalker for myself. Other than Castanet, that is.
After careful consideration, I have decided to retire from my much-loved, not to mentioned greatly admired, position of stalker to fellow Perth resident and somewhat esteemed m/m author, Sean Kennedy.
*gobsmacked* I so didn't see this coming. The world has gone mad I tell you!
KZ: I'll let you know what does and doesn't work re this application process in case you're interested in calling for expressions of interest yourself.
Orannia: Mad?? It always is, but in this case I decided it was much funner to pick on Sean big sister style. Plus, you know, there is the toy poodle thing. 🙂
Kris…. the Dockers? Well at least its not the weagles…. small mercies. I won't tell you who I barrack for I don't want to get banned LOL!
I'm doing okay sweetie… Hows life treating you? I'm missing home like crazy though. If we did get back to Oz it would be to Melbourne so I'd still be homesick LOL!!
Anyway how come you are fobbing off the Kennedy…. are the blue undies not doing it for you anymore? 😦
tish
*fingers down throat re the Eagles* Never!
I'm curious about what team you support now and if you say Collingwood you will definitely be banned. 😉
Life is.. life. LOL. I'd say that I can't complain but who would actually believe that big fat lie. My whinging pom DNA and all. 🙂
“Anyway how come you are fobbing off the Kennedy…. are the blue undies not doing it for you anymore?”
I decided that I was having too much fun bossing him around. Also, he was annoying me almost as much as the Baby Brother. Seemed like a sign. LOL.
Carlton….. sheesh now I'm banned…. tarred and quartered 😦
Oh you get to boss Sean around…. oooh just might have to clean out the cellar after all. Maybe Jenre will be willing to kennedy share with me LOL! Nah…. my kids would probably rip him a new one before the weeks out….. girls can be so mean to 'helpless twinks'. Also the middle girl child would steal his kitty. She loves kitties and isn't allowed one 😦 (I'm a bad momma)
Well back to reading… got the new Parasol Protectorate 'Changeless' to get through…. it's funny and I'm still only on the first chapter 🙂
tish
Tish: I guess Carlton isn't as bad as Collingwood. 😛
Did you see what you did?? Your tales of what the girls would do to him have made Sean cry… via that Dawson's Creek dude.
Sean: As your virtual Big Sister I feel that my only suitable response is… don't be such a friggin' cry baby!
Oh, poor Sean – you were probably better off with Kris as your Official Stalker. Have you SEEN the sorts of questions she asks her brother?!
*shirt fronts Chris* You just had to bloody tell him that, didn't you. You totally ruined the element of surprise! *poutmope*
*flutters eyelashes innocently*
Who the hell are you trying to kid??
Kris,
Good!!!! I'm glad he had a cry!!! I just realised I'm still waiting for my signed T & D postcard…..
Maybe I should be his stalker…. I'd steal his kitty and replace it with a pussy 🙂 Okay maybe I won't….. wouldn't want him to slit his wrists….. much LOL!
Is he still writing that steampunk book? I love steampunk…. my house is slowly being turned into a steampunk house 🙂 It suits my bustle gowns… and my coffee maker. http://www.coffeeitalia.co.uk/proddetail.php?prod=f-elektra
isn't it sweet 🙂
Okay I'm going to go now…. ESPN are doing the footy round up
tish
tish
Tish, I'm loving that coffee machine. It's awesome.
Sean has finished and is publishing the steampunk through Dreamspinner. He talks about it in his latest LJ update. I'm looking forward to seeing the cover for that. 🙂
Natasha, were you a winner of a postcard and didn't receive it? Sorry – send me your address again and I'll get a new one out!
The steampunk is coming out in July/August. Am throwing lots of pics at Catt in order to hobble a cool cover together.
Kris, still crying, shaking. And did you know Jen is trying to steal your bitch tiara? Oh, well, you would know if you were on Twitter.
OMG, that cow! Must join Twitter to stop her from stealing my crown.
Yeah, yeah.
Blah, blah.
Nearly had me there, Sean. I was soooo convinced.
No really.
I was.
Kris, watch out! He convinced ME to join Twitter. Thank God, he's the only one following me so in no time I will get rid of it. But beware, he's soooo convincing!!!
Matthew: He's been trying to convince me for months and months. I can't believe you succumbed, you traitor!
Three words: wet blue mesh.
Oh for god's sake.
You are a fame-arse author now, Matthew. Try to show a little bloody dignity.
1. Not a fame-arse author yet. But the time will come.
2. Maybe you can resist Sean but I can't!
(my captcha word is: rooters Ha. Ha. Ha.)
*wonders why she is only just noticing how pervy Matthew is*
Well, why… You're getting old, that's why. *evillaughter*
*gasp*
*mutterrudeprickmutter*
So, Matthew is the front-runner, then?