To Whom It May Concern
After careful consideration, I have decided to retire from my much-loved, not to mentioned greatly admired, position of stalker to fellow Perth resident and somewhat esteemed m/m author, Sean Kennedy.
This decision happened during a recent exchange with said author when it occurred to me that our relationship had somehow – yes, it was very surprising – reverted to that of siblings. That is, he is an annoying shit who needs to do what he is told.
Therefore, in the interests of succession planning, I am now requesting expressions of interest for the position of Sean’s stalker.
Applicants must demonstrate the following:
* a willingness to read his work, including shit sub-genres that you might not ordinarily like;
* constant posting of his author picture (as per the below) in spite of his requests for privacy; and,
* a dungeon or basement or soundproof room of some sort preferably with attached bathroom facilities, for obvious reasons, as well as already installed wall chains, again for obvious reasons.
Please send you responses and, of course, declarations of love and fangirlyness directly to Sean at kennseaATgmailDOTcom. (Please note that he does not like to receive undies.)
Yours sincerely,
Kris of Kris ‘n’ Good Books.
Kris + Books = Good. *Sometimes*. 
Well, you're the one who apparently promised sexual favours wrapped up in wet blue mesh if he joined Twitter. What more could you want in a stalker, Sean??
You do realise you're talking about me, right? There were NO sexual favours promised.
Hun, don't even try. Matthew's already spilled those beans.
Ha, you're so full of shit. As my honourary big sister, you know me better than that.
*damn found out*
And can't a big sister even offer a little encouragement at times?? Geez.
In all serious, though, hun, you really need to get laid.
Oh, eww!
lolololololololololololololololololololololol
Got you!
lolololololololololololololololololololololol
*replete sigh*
My work here is done.
What??? No sexual favours??? I was being misled!!!
Obviously only in your own mind, Matthew.
And Kris, you suck.
*victory dance*
First big sister duty… ACCOMPLISHED!