Are you becoming bored and frustrated trying to churn out yet another m/f romance novel? Have you run out of euphemisms for vagina? If you are looking to release yourself from the shackles of traditional het romance there is a group to help. M/F Romance Writers Anonymous (MFA for short) can help you move beyond pussies, beavers, boxes and snatches to a double helping of dongs, peckers, schlongs and willies. The research can be onerous but the end results are well worth the long hours spent trolling the internet for porn or pictures and the mandatory attendance at Gay Pride parades and ComiCons stalking Mr. Sulu.
Like other popular Anonymous groups, the Twelve Steps of recovery from writing M/F fiction, will you to move on to M/M fiction without guilt or remorse or a craving for flowery vagina descriptions with the structure and support of fellow authors who’ve BTDT.
1. Admit that you are powerless over the allure of the Vagina and that your writing of romance and sex between men and women has become unmanageable, boring and repetitive.
2. Believe that there is a power greater than yourself who can restore to your writing the hotness and intensity that it held in those early heady days of man/woman sex.
3. Made the decision to “ditch the chick” and put two hot guys in bed/a bar/a backroom/a toilet/a restaurant/a car/a hotel room/a public park/etc. together for some scorching sex.
4. Make a searching and fearless inventory of all things related to gay sex, google porn, buy “how to” books, sample the lube at the pharmacy, don’t be afraid of the buttsecks.
5. Admit to your editor, yourself and your readers the exact nature of your wrong and that you will take steps to change and improve yourself and your writing by adding more dicks and fewer chicks.
6. Let your editor and beta readers remove all of the defects of your new characters, let them be manly, let them not have a plethora of tears or a mad desire to clean the bathroom every Saturday morning.
7. Humbly ask your editor to remove your characters’ shortcomings and ensure that every character you write has a dick worthy of a porn star.
8. Make a list of all of the books you’ve written using the term “netherlips” and be willing to make amends. Write an equal number of m/m books without ever using the terms rosebud or winking anus.
9. Make direct amends to those readers who have been forced to endure weeping pussies and throbbing clits. Offer them free glimpses of the heaven that is man-on-man loving with excerpts on your blog/website/LJ.
10. Continue to take personal inventory, continue to support your ever growing love of the penis cavorting with other penises by searching yet more porn, more erotica, more fetishes, more real-life interactions to add authenticity to your work.
11. Through meditation and web browsing, seek to bring yourself closer to your editor’s vision, praying for the guidance to make your next work of art a thing of beauty with multiple orgasms and copious ejaculate.
12. Having discovered the nirvana that is writing m/m fiction, commit to spreading the word and convincing others who have gone astray to join you in the your new and pervy world.
If you follow these 12 steps, you too can joining the ranks of world-renowned m/m authors like KZ Snow, Josh Lanyon, Sean Michael (fetish research necessary to join this group) and many others who have found fame and success (not necessarily monetary) in the m/m genre.
Fear not the penis, it can be your literary friend.