end-of-year bandwagon wrap-ups #4

Posted on 19/12/2011 by Kris



Yeah, I’m bouncing around all over the place with this end-of-year wrap-up crap, but welcome to my brain… which appears to be even more random than usual.


Who knew that was possible.  


It’s mind boggling.


Literally.


But onward to the wrap-up!


Let’s go beyond the bookity faves and look at what other stuff we’ve all found in 2011.


Oh, and it has to be in the form of a list because it is unnatural to do otherwise.


Also, it has to be an even number.


Which has nothing to do with my OCD.


*cough*


So, here we go!


The 2011 ‘We Think They’re Just Tops’ 10


1. Bookity (Look, we have to. I am a reader’s blog.  Apparently.).  Mine: As always, there can be only one.  My god… *hand to heart* Sir Terry Pratchett.


2. Online thing.  Mine: Tumblr!


3. TV/Film. Mine: The Killing (freaking awesome crime series from Denmark), Manuel and Lalo from Botineras and The Kiss!  Blaine.  ❤


4.  Music.  Mine: Adele. My girlfriend. *dreamy sigh*


5.  Event (Personal).  Mine: My new tattoos and my trip to the US and catching up with old and new mates. 🙂


6. Event (World).  Mine: NYC’s saying yes to gay marriage, The Royal Wedding (being a Republican so doesn’t count at such times) and Australian Labor’s vote to change it’s platform on marriage equality (one can but hope).


7.  Discovery.  Mine: Becoming aware and increasing my understanding about the trans* and genderfluid communities, Mindfullness and Andrej Pejic… if you hadn’t already guessed. ;P


8.  Controversy.  Mine:  Well, mine. Obviously.


9. Word.  Mine:  Douchecopter.


10. Achievement.  Mine:  Surviving the year with the help of my family and a lot of friends whom I love with all my heart and are so very grateful for.  


Your turn.  


Share your 2011 faves in the comments so we can pick on ’em and stuff.  😉

Posted in awesomeness, best of 2011, best ofs, extra further randomness, reading, serious randomness | 18 Comments

random awesomeness

Posted on 16/12/2011 by Kris

Interrupting my end-of-year bandwagon wrap-ups for this random piece of awesomeness:



So worth it.


And so very true.

Posted in awesomeness, randomness, reading | 11 Comments

end-of-year bandwagon wrap-ups #3

Posted on 13/12/2011 by Kris



Now that we’ve done the nicey-nice bookity wrap-up thing, let’s go mean.


A total shocker, I know.  


So what did you find yourself hating in 2011?  *Besides me, that is.*  


Maybe it was a theme or a trope or a particular pairing which was so thrashed to death that you just got bloody sick of reading it over and over and over and over? 


Remember 2009 being the Year of the Chick Stalker in m/m??  God, what a nightmare that fucking was.  Ka-pooey.


C’mon.  Fess up.


I’ll bet you’ll never guess what mine was.

Posted in best of 2011, best ofs, reading, serious randomness, serious shit | 36 Comments

end-of-year bandwagon wrap-ups #2

Posted on 11/12/2011 by Kris



Yeah, I know it’s been a while between posts.  


I’ve been on a retreat of sorts and was avoiding you all.  


Get used to it.


Anyways, continuing with my version of the end-of-year wrap-up thingy I’ve got going, let’s talk about your reading tastes for the year.


So what – if any – sub/genre did you find yourself reading more of in 2011?  What theme, pairing, whatever, did you get a particular kick out of? Etc, blah, etc.


Maybe your reading habits didn’t change a lot at all and you’re in the rut to end all ruts?


Or perhaps you’re like me and have been in a bookity ‘meh’ for most of the year?


Tell nosy Kris all.

Posted in best of 2011, best ofs, reading, serious randomness, serious shit | 30 Comments

end-of-year bandwagon wrap-ups #1

Posted on 30/11/2011 by Kris



Tis the season for end-of-year wrap-ups,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Yeah, I’m lazy and can’t think shit up,
Fa la la la la, la, la la la.


Also, I may have used this tune before.  See lazy comment above.  Heh.


Earlier this year, I did a series about ratings; what people thought about them, do they actually mean anything at sites like goodreads, blah, blah.


In one of those posts, I was particularly interested in who your ‘go to’ reviewer/rater was when you were tossing up whether to buy a book, and I talked about my old mainstays, Jenre and Kassa.


I invited you to share your favourite reviewers, raters and sites and, through your recommendations, discovered Cole, Alex at Between the Covers and Cryselle’s Bookshelf.  


I was pleased to find their reviews gave me enough information about the pros and cons of a book to be able to decide which stories would appeal the most to my readerly tastes.  I don’t know about you, but I tend to think avoiding wasting my money on shite is always a good thing. 🙂


Anyways, given this is all about the end-of-year wrap-up thing and that I might be an incredibly nosy curious person, I wondered which reviewer/rater you discovered in 2011 who gels with your readiosyncrasies?  


Do share with the other boys and girls. 

Posted in best of 2011, best ofs, between the covers, cole, cryselles bookshelf, Jenre, kassa, reading, reviews, reviews-not mine, serious randomness, serious shit | 17 Comments

owning words again

Posted on 27/11/2011 by Kris

Earlier in the year, I wrote a post about owning words.  I’ve since come to terms with the fact I’m in no way as confident as I was then.


As some of you already know, this year has been particularly tough for me.  I feel like I’ve waged – and still wage – a constant battle with my depression.  I’ve talked about about this mostly at my tumblr which has been a journal of sorts.  This time, however, I really feel the need to try and get this message out to as many people as possible, hence my posting here at my blog.


This message is again one about words.  Not only those seemingly offhand ones like ‘that’s so gay’ which can cause so much harm, but those deliberate ones which are used to belittle and to cut deeply to the bone.


You see, ever since I was a teenager, people have described me as ‘a bitch’ or ‘moody’ or most often ‘a moody bitch’.  This was said behind my back, within my hearing and even to my face.  Looking back, it seemed this generally became accepted as ‘just the way Kris was’.


I accepted it too.  After all, if you’ve been told something enough times you tend to believe it and, let’s face it, this particular shoe does tend to fit me pretty well so…


It does, however, make me wonder what would have happened if my being ‘a moody bitch’ wasn’t so entrenched, wasn’t the only way I was viewed by others, and wasn’t the only way I judged myself.  


Would people have taken more notice?  Would anyone have realised the increasingly violent mood swings I was having were actually a sign of something else?


Would any of us, including myself, have thought that maybe I was bipolar?


Well, I am bipolar.  I was diagnosed about two months ago.


As the weeks have passed, I’ve come to realise I am so unbelievable angry at all those who called me ‘a moody bitch’ over the years.  Most of all, though, I’m hurt.  


I have this hurt so deep down in the pit of my stomach because it was those critical words – for that’s what they were – which reinforced my own perception that I was somehow ‘wrong’.  Something I’m still struggling to deal with today.


So, to all those who called me ‘a moody bitch’, well, fuck you.


FUCK. 


YOU.


My message to those of you who, like me, have been the victims of words, but will never use them as weapons against others, is to get it out.  


Get out all that anger and hurt those words have done to you.  Do it in the comment section here.  Just don’t let it fester because in the end those words will cause you even more harm.


Take it from someone who knows.

Posted in extra further randomness, gone insane, me | 30 Comments

‘i see myself’: embrace the rainbow

Posted on 20/11/2011 by Kris


In the past few days, we have been privileged to witness an increasing awareness and understanding within the m/m romance community about the complex issues of gender/s and sexuality/ies.

This has been a significant and positive step forward in healing a rift caused primarily by ignorance and bringing hope where there was once anger, turmoil and devastation.

This is by no means an end, however.

For if there is one thing we have all learnt is that a rainbow cannot easily be grasped or defined. 

Rainbows are constantly changing.  Rainbows are not fixed.  Even when an artist tries to portray them in a photograph or piece of work it is only one moment in time they are capturing, not the full journey of a rainbow.

It is this fluidity we need to embrace and encourage others to do so as well.

To this end, we are sending out a challenge.

A challenge to help us increase awareness, acceptance and support for the trans*, intersex, intergender and questioning people in the m/m romance community and broader community by adding this to your site:

Kindle Vixen for ’embrace the rainbow’.


We believe this will stand hard as a sign post symbolising hope as well as a safe space for GLBTQQ people to freely be themselves.  Whoever ‘they’ might be at that particular moment and whoever ‘they’ might be in different moments in the future.

We do this on the day which marks the 13th International Transgender Day of Remembrance; a day for remembering those trans* who have been the victims of hate crimes.

We also do this in association with the Safe Reading Zone campaign; a promise to those GLBTQQ people among us that we will support them.

So, will you accept our challenge?

Perhaps this excerpt from an interview in September 2011 between genderfluid Andrej Pejic and ABC’s Nightline Juju Chang will help you make a decision:

Chang:  When you see yourself in the mirror, do you think of yourself more as a man or as a woman?
Pejic:  I like to keep my options open.
Chang:  What does that mean?
Pejic:  I see myself.

‘I see myself.’

That, friends, says it all.

Please help us spread this message.


With hope and love, Aleksandr Voinov, Amara Devonte and Kris for ’embrace the rainbow’.

Posted in embrace the rainbow, glbtqq, serious randomness, serious shit, trans* | 16 Comments

the good, the bad and the… beautiful

Posted on 14/11/2011 by Kris


It’s only when you look at it all that you understand why nearly every variation of a queer symbol has a rainbow on it—a rainbow is a spectrum of light that’s only visible when you look up to see the sun through the rain, and it’s bright, and beautiful, and (to borrow a story from my highly biblical upbringing) it’s a miracle.  
Rowan McBride, Pondering Rainbows, 17/2/2010.



Have you ever been journeying somewhere and suddenly, sometimes out of nowhere, springs this amazing rainbow?


Something I’ve done since I was a child has been to watch a rainbow until I could no longer see it.  I love the way the light of a rainbow always seems to play.  The way the colours and the shapes of a rainbow seem to change from where ever and when ever you look at them.


Rainbows are such a miracle, don’t you think?  


I certainly do.  However, it wasn’t until I read the above quote and the rest of the article that I realised how much of a miracle they really are, but, more significantly, how hard they are to grasp or define.  


Rainbows are constantly changing.  Rainbows aren’t fixed.  Even when an artist tries to portray them in a photograph or something similar it is only one moment in time they are capturing, not the full journey of a rainbow.


It was this particular imagery which really hit home with me, because I realised how very little I know about intergender and intersexuality and how much I wanted to talk about this issue on my blog.


You see, and as I said in my previous post, one of my biggest regrets about the current situation in the m/m romance community was the part I played in ‘perpetuating an over-simplistic or binary view of gender/s and sexuality/ies’.  


I have to admit I didn’t always think like this.  


Picture me sitting in front of my computer with my ‘The Trevor Project’ shirt on, reading a few comments people had sent me links to, and getting more and more upset because ‘HOW VERY DARE THEY?! I’M NOT TRANSPHOBIC!’


Yeah, talk about being a self-righteous douchecopter.


Maybe I wasn’t necessarily transphobic, but, geezus kerrist, I was as ignorant as fuck.


It wasn’t until I saw a Twitter mate expressing hir frustration at the ‘binary mind-set’ of those participating in the, erm, discussions that I began to sit up and think to myself ‘Kris, there is so much more to this than you realise and maybe you need to actually find out about it before opening your big, fat mouth… again…’.


So I started asking questions.


Lots and lots of questions…  and those of you who were on the cemetery tour with me in NOLA know first hand how nosy I can be…  oh, yeah.


I was – and am still – extraordinarily lucky to have found two people, who have very generously shared their thoughts and experiences with me about being gender fluid *crossing my fingers that a certain someone won’t kick my arse too badly for using that label* and answering my, no doubt potentially offensive, queries. 


It is because of their willingness to share their stories that my so-called understanding about what transgender meant has been unbelievably challenged over the past week.  


I came to realise, despite my vehement disavowal of choice being anything to do with whether you were gay or lesbian or transsexual or transgender, I was continuing to think in narrow terms whenever transsexual or transgender identities were discussed.  I still thought within the boundaries of a binary system where people had to choose their gender or sexuality.  It was one or the other.  Black or white.


However, it is not that simple, but then again, as one person pointed out to me, why does it have to be?  Why can’t gender and sexuality be more fluid?


Why indeed.


It made me think.  I hope it encourages others to think too.


For this binary mind-set is one which needs to be challenged.  No, more than that.  It MUST be challenged.


Not only in the broader community, but in spaces like the m/m romance community where people should feel safe to freely be themselves.


Whoever ‘they’ might be at that particular moment and whoever ‘they’ might be in different moments in the future.

Posted in glbtq, intergender, intersexuality, serious randomness, serious shit | 22 Comments

well… what to do then?

Posted on 09/11/2011 by Kris



Yes, indeed.


I’m going to make the assumption that most of you who read my blog are also aware, to varying degrees, of what has happened in the last few days subsequent to my last post.  If not, and you are interested, I suggest you go back and read some of the links provided in the comments because, quite frankly, I can’t be arsed rehashing what has happened.


I did debate whether or not to write a follow-up post; however, I have no desire to ignore the current situation and I think there will be more benefit to an open, honest discussion as opposed to, well, vitriolic bullshit.


Having said that, I also struggled with how best to approach this post.  Do I attempt to prepare something thought-provoking?  No, I won’t.  I think others far more eloquent than I have already done this.  Do I provide my usual sarcastic and facetious take on things?  No, I won’t.  I think to do so would be glib and dismissive.  


Do I try to address the comments and accusations people have made about me?  No, I won’t.  I think it would just further inflame the situation and degenerate into further nastiness… let’s face it, probably by me.  Do I justify my previous post?  No, I won’t.  As I think that would just be buying into the reactionary culture of victimisation.


Well.  What to do then?


It was my answer to the question above, of trying to justify myself, which made me realise what I had to do above all else.  This was, whether I liked it or not, to take responsibility for my actions.


You see, it was me and only me, who wrote the post which was the catalyst for the controversy currently dominating the m/m romance community.


Do I regret publishing it?


No… and yes.


No, because I still firmly believe that raising and questioning the appropriation of a GLBTQ identity as well as incidents of offline bullying, which was at the heart of my post, was – for wont of a better term – the ‘right’ thing to do.


But also yes.  Yes, because there have been several real victims of this incredibly intense and unfortunately sometimes aggressive and confrontational situation, and that is something I do regret.


In particular, there are two communities that I, inadvertently or not, have offended or caused turmoil in.  One being the GLBTQ communities for ignorantly perpetuating an over-simplistic or binary view of gender/s and sexuality/ies (as a Twitter mate very generously explained, although they may be wincing right now at my description); and, the second being the m/m community itself.


In relation to the latter, although there have been times when I’ve been completely disillusioned, I’ve also been interested and encouraged by how many people within the m/m community have engaged in this debate and some of the thought-provoking comments made.


Unlike others, I don’t think such contention necessarily results in division.  Rather, I believe open and constructive conversations can lead to increased understanding and much stronger connections… and who knew I could be a half-glass full person? 


So.  Maybe I did know what to do with this post, after all. 


Finally, I want to reiterate that I alone am responsible for my actions.


If you wish to place the blame on someone then it’s obvious…


Clearly, you should blame my parents.


For not only instilling in me a commitment to always stand up for what I believe in, but the knowledge, as I’ve said before and will likely say again, that you don’t shit where you eat.

Posted in authors, glbtq, m/m, readers, serious randomness, serious shit | 40 Comments

what’s a pen name got to do with it? another postscript cos now i’m seriously pissed

Posted on 02/11/2011 by Kris



Earlier in the year I wrote this post after I had found out that a couple of extremely popular m/m romance and erotica authors writing as gay men were actually women. 


I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I couldn’t give a flying fuck if the books I like are written by gay or straight, boys or girls, genderqueer, trans, etc because quality is all that matters to me.


However, if an author has been deliberately misleading, if not down right dishonest, about their gender and sexuality that’s when I call bullshit.


Today, I’m calling one particular author out.  Oh, yeah. I.  Am.  Pissed.  


Oh, don’t worry about me landing in the shit.  I’m sticking with my policy of not naming names.


I’m just going to play them at their own make-believe game and talk about them as an hypothetical example.  


I can’t possible get blamed if you all guess who the author in question is then, right?  


*smiles sweetly*


So…


What if an author creates an elaborate bio and life around their pseud/persona?


What if an author hires a gay model/actor to ‘play’ them online?  Posting photos of ‘their’ so-called life?


What if an author gets this gay model/actor to go to a book signing event as ‘their’ persona?


What if an author even goes to the extent of writing articles for well-known GLBTQ and review sites about ‘their’ life as a gay man, ‘their’ coming out story, etc?


What if one of the people an author works with finds out the truth and calls ‘them’ on it?


What if an author justifies ‘their’ actions by saying it was marketing strategy in order for ‘them’ to appear more ‘legitimate’ to readers?


What if the person who works with an author cuts ties completely because of their outrage at this betrayal to and blatant exploitation of the GLBTQ communities?


What if the person never discusses what happened and despite the struggle it causes within because of their own family situation?


What if the person goes on to be successful in their own right?


What if an author appears to react to some of the suspicions now surrounding ‘them’ by entering into a working and life partnership with another author?


What if rumour mill begins to churn madly about the possibility that an author’s new partner is actually ‘them’ writing under another pseud?


What if an author gets jealous of the popularity of the person who used work with ‘them’?


What if an author accuses the person of using ‘them’ as a launch pad and tells the person they should be more grateful?


What if an author goes so far as to say the person is only interested in GLBTQ issues in order to look like an ally and thus make more money?


And, what if the person, who has a gay family member, is flabbergasted and hurt by this accusation?


Yeah.


It makes you think, doesn’t it.


It makes you think about how hard you would punch this fucking bitch author in the face and make her life a living hell.


Or maybe that’s just me.

Posted in authors, glbtq, m/m, serious randomness, serious shit | 79 Comments