vampire ponderings (part 3)

Posted on 17/10/2009 by Kris


So, it comes to this.

The final chapter in my vampire ponderings.

It ends with a very important question:

“If you were to become a vampire at what age would you want to be turned?”

Think carefully now because, depending on the breed that changes you, you could or could not end up with your period for who the fuck knows how long.

Of course, if you’re a boy, you’re totally golden…

… or sparkly as the case may be.
Posted in extra further randomness, vampires | 27 Comments

vampire ponderings (part 2)

Posted on 16/10/2009 by Kris


Author of some awesome vampires K Z Snow said “There are many breeds of vampires, you know. You’ll never come upon a single answer that applies to all of them.”

Normally I would believe every word that K Z says because she has a righteous advisor in the form of Ms C, but in this case I call…

HA!!!

We all know that vampirism comes from a ‘one source’ whether that be as a result of an experiment in Atlantis, being created by a Goddess, some form of mutated virus, etc, etc.

How can there be different breeds then?

I mean, theoretically, their bodies should all work the same way because they come from the one source, right??

Oh, and since this is vampirism we’re talking about, I’m pretty sure the Labradoodle argument won’t work.
Posted in extra further randomness, vampires | 20 Comments

vampire ponderings (part 1)

Posted on 15/10/2009 by Kris


I’m a fan of the paranormal genre and I love me a good vampire, but even I have to admit that the total saturation of the publishing, film – hell, let’s face it, just about everything – market gets a leeetle too much even for someone like me.

Anyhoo, this isn’t going to be a rant about ka-ching bandwagons. *Been there, done that yesterday.* Instead, this is going to be a serious analysis of some of the tropes of the vampire genre.
.
.
.
Bwahahahahahaha! As if! This is me we’re talking about after all. *wipes tear from eye*

Nup, this post is all about my vampire ponderings (ie the shit I come up with when I’m trying to avoid work).

Vampire Pondering #1.

A common theme in the genre is that when you become a vampire your reproductive bits dry up, right? If that’s the case, riddle me this virtual folk…

How do the boys still get to cum then??

I mean I get why the girl stuff just shuts down entirely cos, hello, menstruation would seriously bring on blood lust in any self-respecting vampire. But it seems a bit inconsistent, don’t you think?

Putting aside the fact that no woman in her right mind would want to get her period for the rest of her immortal life, your thoughts on this important issue are, as always, appreciated.

Posted in extra further randomness, probably tmi, vampires | 29 Comments

maybe it’s me, but… (updated)

Posted on 14/10/2009 by Kris


I can count on one hand the number of ‘the classic’ authors I’ve actually read and, more importantly, enjoyed. Of those, my by-far favourite is Jane Austen. *I luff her.*

But this Austenmania thing that’s currently going on in the world… PLEASE. MAKE. IT. STOP!!!!

For fucks sake, Twilightfied (TM Katiebabs chook) book covers, vampire and monster knock-offs, and becomings, accordings and P&P obsessions galore?? Where will it all end?!

Wait. Maybe I spoke too soon…

We haven’t yet seen an ‘Emma In Space’ or ‘Aliens at Northanger Abbey‘. Perhaps these are in the planning stages. At this point nothing would surprise me.

So, what’s your prediction? What do you think we’ll see next in the let’s-put-everyone-off-Jane-Austen-for-life craze?

ETA: An idea spawned by Katiebabs chook blooms under the awesome skills of Tam’s girl child.


I predict that every teenage girl in the known universe will line up for weeks – possibly even months – in advance to read this gem.

Posted in jane austen, katiebabs chook, maybe it's me but, pet peeve/fave rant, WTF | 21 Comments

my favouritest author eva

Posted on 13/10/2009 by Kris


I had another rant post planned for today, but then I read the above last night and needed to wax lyrical about it – well, ok, pimp it – to you all.


Those of you who’ve been hanging around for a while know how much I adore the satirical genius that is Sir Terry Pratchett.

I have talked about him before, taken two of his characters with me to DIK, and gone on and on about the fact that he ‘will go down in history as the only author Kris religiously buys in hard cover.’

His latest book from the Discworld series, Unseen Academicals, is a shining testament to his awesome skills at word smithing and story telling. His sly, wicked and, above all else, extraordinarily clever humour and gift for parody and satire will have many laughing out loud throughout the book. Indeed, Unseen Academicals has lept to being my #1 favourite Terry Pratchett of all time.

There are so many scenes which I’d love to share with you (including a classic about the meaning of oral sex being when you listen to it *wipes tear from eye*), but I thought the romance readers out there would appreciate this gem:

She reached down surreptitiously, even though there was only a three-eyed teddy bear watching her, and picked up the latest Iradne Comb-Buttworthy from the cache unsuccessfully hidden below. After ten minutes of reading, which took her some way into the book (Ms Comb-Buttworthy producing volumes that were even slimmer than her heroines), she experienced deja vu. Moreover, the deja vu was squared, because she had the feeling of having had the deja vu before.

“They’re really all the same, aren’t they?” she said to the three-eyed teddy bear. “You know it’s going to be Mary the Maid, or someone like her, and there’s got to be two men and she will end up with the nice one, and there has to be misunderstandings, and they never do anything more than kiss and it’s absolutely guaranteed that, for example, an exciting civil war or an invasion by trolls or even a scene with any cooking in it is not going to happen. The best you can expect is a thunderstorm.” It really had nothing to do with real life at all, which, although short on civil wars and invasions by trolls, at least had the decency to have lots of cooking.

The book dropped out of her fingers and thirty seconds later she was sound asleep.

This will be an auto buy for fans of this author, but for those of you who haven’t read him before I would heartily-to-the-power-of-infinity recommend you try this one out. Not only can it be easily read as a stand alone, but IMHO is one of his very best.

Oh, and look, it comes in ebook format. How tempting very expensive fantabulous is that?! 🙂
Posted in book pimpage, not a tasting, Terry Pratchett | 18 Comments

things that make you go O_o

Posted on 12/10/2009 by Kris


Considering the fact that my experience with anal sex has been got vicariously through romance and erotica, I’m curious about something…

The fluttering or twitching rosebud which is meant to indicate the level of excitement felt by bottom boy… fact or urban myth??

‘Cos, I have to say, it squicks me out a little, especially when you get the visuals in yaoi.

But, hey, I’m always willing to be convinced. 🙂
Posted in m/m, probably tmi, randomness, things that make you go O_o | 57 Comments

tam’s guest post: familiarity breeds contempt?

Posted on 12/10/2009 by Kris

We all have our favourite types of heroes, whether they be fire fighters, doctors, pirates, space aliens or college students. I’ve often wondered if people are attracted to characters in careers which are unfamiliar to us, thus “exotic”. If you are a doctor or a fire fighter, do books about those characters make you go “meh” because you know real fire fighters aren’t like that? They are the normal annoying guys you work with everyday, not romantic heroes?

I work for the government. Okay, right off the bat not very romantic or exotic but I did read a blurb for a book about a US diplomat in Europe who was married and way deep in the closet because being gay would never be accepted in his career. Huh? Not in my government. We have lots of same sex partners in my Department and some of them are working at our embassies in fairly high positions.

When I was posted in Warsaw 10+ years ago one of my colleagues had his full-time partner (and two basset hounds) living with him. So the book turned me off in the sense that I felt the premise right off the bat was kind of off. Although perhaps it’s very different in the US, I’m not sure on that. Their Foreign Service is quite different than Canada’s – which is in turn similar to the UK and Australia. But I also thought, “Ewww. I work with those “diplomats” every day. That is sooooo not a romantic sexy job, how could you write an m/m “romance” about government workers?” Also for me it’s artists. My ex is an artist and the whole portrayal of the sensitive temperamental artist annoys me, maybe because it’s TOO accurate. He is my ex after all. 😛

So I just wondered if others have found themselves in that position. Do you find yourself avoiding certain career types in your romance reading because you know it too intimately? Do you find that character type unsexy or do you find yourself caught up in the technicalities of it when authors fudge a bit to make it more sexy or exciting?

Posted in guest post, tam | 18 Comments

a time out

Posted on 08/10/2009 by Kris


Nothing funny from me today. I’m feeling blue.


Usually I can handle my depression, but right now… nup.


I’ve spoken a little about my mental illness before and that one of the worst parts about it for me are the expectations.

The expectations that others put on me and, unfortunately, the more destructive expectations that I put on myself.

It’s true. I can be such a bitch. You may have noticed that. 🙂

So, I’m gonna take a break for a few days, wallow a bit, and then slap myself across the back of the head and get my shit together, but…

From Snorg Tees.

Okay. Maybe a little bit funny. 😉
Posted in me, serious randomness | Leave a comment

just fyi

Posted on 07/10/2009 by Kris
Posted in me, sean kennedy | 24 Comments

a reviewer’s dilemma

Posted on 06/10/2009 by Kris
Random piccie to try and offend more people into defriending me because of my crudity. Hey, if you have a talent you stick with it, right. Tam sent this to me, btw. That gurl… *shakes head* 😉

I’m stuck.

I’ve got to write these reviews for two books from a series… series books? serial books? beries? whatever… for Wave’s site.

Problem is I read them one after the other without really thinking about my approach to the review/s.

This now leaves me trying to work out how to write about a meh character in the first book who turned out to be a complete dick in the second.

Poo. 😦

Posted in book series, reviews, serious randomness | 18 Comments